Whose Line Is It, Anyway? Final Fantasy Edition
by Haruhara Haruko
Summary: It's cliche and stupid, and the title explains it all. :D
1. FFVII

WHOSE LINE IS IT, ANYWAY? Final Fantasy Edition  
  
  
  
Welcome, this is a fic-thing about if the FFVII crew starred in Whose Line Is It, Anyway?. Actually, the chapters will vary; First I'm doing FFVII, then VIII, and so on to FFX, maybe even other games like Chrono Trigger... that is, if I get many reviews. I'm the host, not known as '~Tifa~' this time, but I'm now Akari. I just love that name. ^_^ Anyways, enjoy the madness!! Oh, and keep in mind... Aeris is dead and as in most of my fics, Shera is in her place. But Aeris may make appearances. And some of the names of the games I don't have exact, sorry.  
  
SPOILERS INCLUDED  
  
Rating for swearing and use of alcohol (and sake, whatever that is. It's alcohol, right?)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything I'm using; Not Final Fantasy, not Squaresoft, not ABC network, or Whose Line Is It, Anyway? or Drew Carey. Yech. I don't wanna own him.  
  
  
  
EPISODE ONE: FINAL FANTASY VII  
  
The screen shows the set. Akari appears on it in a cloud of black glitter.  
  
Akari: Hello and welcome to Whose Line Is It, Anyway? Final Fantasy VII version!! We'll be following the FFVII characters through and I'll be appearing and forcing... I mean, asking them to perform a little mini-game. Enjoy!  
  
Akari dissapears in a puff of white powder. The scene changes to Cloud and Yuffie sitting in the Gold Saucer.  
  
Cloud: Um... Why are we here?  
  
Yuffie: Cause the author put us here.  
  
Cloud: You're not on a date with me considering your own free will?  
  
Yuffie: No!  
  
Cloud: Thank God!!! *breathes out* Want me to buy you a sake?  
  
Yuffie: Kay.  
  
After a few sakes...  
  
Yuffie: *hic* Ya know my dad? *hic* Well, he'sh not really my dad. *hic* I'm acshuly Vinshent's daughter. *hic*  
  
(note: No, those weird words like "he'sh" and "Vinshent" are not typos.)  
  
Yuffie: You shee, my dad adopted me from Vinshent *hic* cause Vinshent thought I wash an ugly baby. *hic* Sho he shold me. *hic*  
  
Cloud: Um, Yuffie... Is that the truth?  
  
Yuffie: Yesh, shilly. *hic*  
  
Cloud: Are you sure you didn't have to many sakes?  
  
Yuffie: No, shtupid! I want more shake! MORE!! GIMME MORE SHAKE!!!  
  
Cloud: Eeek!!!  
  
(note: Heh heh, that little scene was based on bit from my earlier fanfic; FFBloopers. Check it out somewhere in the Crossover section.)  
  
Akari appears in a blue dust.  
  
Akari: Hey, Yuffie's drunk and Cloud's scared! What a perfect time to play the SONG TO AN AUDIENCE MEMBER game!! We will pick an member from the audience and have them come onstage. Cloud and Yuffie will then sing a song for them!  
  
Yuffie: Yay! *hic* May I pick the shtupid member? *hic*  
  
Akari: I don't think that's a good idea...  
  
It's too late; Yuffie is in the audience, talking to a girl. She brings the girl onstage.  
  
Cloud: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's Aeris.  
  
The woman Yuffie picked looks just like Aeris.  
  
Akari: And what is your name?  
  
Girl: Aeris Gainsborough.  
  
Akari: That's freaky!! Hey, guess what, everyone? I hate Aeris' decomposed guts! But since a strange force is keeping me from taking Aeris off set...  
  
Zack (offstage) : Heh heh...  
  
Akari: I'm gonna keep her on and let Yuffie and Cloud make fun of her.  
  
Audience: Yay!!  
  
Aeris sits in the chair and smiles cheesily.  
  
Akari: Our piano is being done by Julia Heartilly and the guitar by Selphie Tillmitt! (I'm assuming she can play guitar cause of the scene in the FFVIII credits.) Okay, begin the song!  
  
Julia and Selphie start to play The Wedding Theme (?).  
  
Cloud:  
  
Aeris, I thought you were dead  
  
Though Sephiroth chopped off your head  
  
But I guess that I wasn't so lucky  
  
Yet I still think that you are ****y.  
  
Yuffie:  
  
Aerish, we hated you sho *hic*  
  
The author shtill thinksh your a ho *hic*  
  
We thank Shephiroth to thish day *hic*  
  
'Caushe he took your fat assh away. *hic*  
  
Cloud:  
  
I though you drowned in the Lifestream  
  
I put you there to make a scene  
  
But oh well, you have come back to life  
  
This is a very bad day for Cloud Strife.  
  
Yuffie:  
  
We thought you had died, but oh well *hic*  
  
I wish you that you went back to H*ll *hic*  
  
And sho doesh everyone elshe *hic*  
  
Becaushe you're a big fat old... Erm, shmelsh. *hic*  
  
Akari: Thank you very much!! You can go back now, Aeris.  
  
Aeris: *crying* My, that was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard! You have great voices!  
  
Akari: Aeris, you can leave now.  
  
Aeris: Wow, no one ever sung a song for me before. Wonder why?  
  
Akari: Aeris, get off the stage.  
  
Akari drags Aeris away. Scene changes to Barret, Vincent, and Cid in Tifa's Seventh Heaven.  
  
Barret: It's boring...  
  
Cid: Hey, how about we have some sake?  
  
Vincent: Yeah!  
  
Millions of bottles of sake later...  
  
Barret: I feel *****y...  
  
Vincent: Me too...  
  
Cid: 42 bottles of sake...in my stomach...42 bottles of sake...take one out... *Cid barfs* pass it around... *places the barf in Barret's hand* 41 bottles of sake...in my stomach...  
  
Akari appears in a silver storm.  
  
Akari: So you guys are bored?  
  
Barret: Hospital...please...  
  
Akari: I guess that's a yes. Well, let's try the GREEN SCENE game!!  
  
Vincent: Hey, I love that game!  
  
Akari: Good, cause I love you.  
  
Audience: Awwww....  
  
Akari: Along with Cloud, Cid Highwind, Squall, Tidus, Auron, *the list goes on* ...  
  
Vincent hangs his head.  
  
Akari: Oops...  
  
Audience: Booooooo!!!!!!!!  
  
Jerry Springer crew comes on stage.  
  
Jerry Springer: Today's episode: "You love 32 other men besides me!"  
  
Akari: Oh my God!!!!!!!!  
  
Akari attacks Jerry Springer.  
  
Akari: You stupid @#$%!!!  
  
Jerry Springer: Help...  
  
Jerry Springer dissapears along with his crew.  
  
Akari: Huh? Where'd he go? Oh well, time for the GREEN SCENE!  
  
An army of women wearing only green camouflage bras and underwear come onstage.  
  
Akari: No, not that GREEN SCENE!!  
  
The women march off.  
  
Akari: Barret and Vincent will be two reporters at a news station who have just received important news from Cid, who is at the site. Cid will be in front of footage of strange things going live, but if Cid looks at it, all he can see is green. Let's go!  
  
Cheesy newscast music starts to play.  
  
Barret: Hey Vincent, tell me more about the Yuffie being your daughter thing... Oh, we're on? Welcome to Channel # 147852369147852369147852369 News!  
  
Vincent: Today we have a breaking news story! Our special reporter, Cid, is live at the site right now.  
  
Barret: Chaos is going on, and we don't mean Vincent's final Limit Break!  
  
Vincent: ...Or maybe it really is Chaos. *laughs evilly* We'll let you see this one for yourself! Cid?  
  
Scene goes to Cid in front of a green poster. It's really showing the GREEN SCENE. You know, the women in camouflage bras and underwear that came onstage earlier. They're also stripping. Cid, thank God, doesn't see this.  
  
Barret: What's going on over there?  
  
Cid: This is mad! They're taking over!  
  
Vincent: Oh my, sounds like a rampage.  
  
Cid: You're right, they're invading! If the people of Midgar aren't carefull, then these creatures will take over our homes!  
  
Barret: Is this a good thing?  
  
Cid: It could be, but some people don't enjoy this.  
  
Vincent: Men or women?  
  
Cid: Some men enjoy this, but women love watching it more.  
  
Barret: How about you, Cid?  
  
Cid: I don't even know what the hell this is.  
  
Vincent: Erm... Anyways, how many years will it take for them to take over Midgar?  
  
Cid: If we let them, it's gonna take a minute. They'll be everywhere before we know it! But if we chain them up, they'll still continue to do what they are right now; just slower!  
  
Barret: Alright, Cid! This was Channel # 147852369147852369147852369 News! Till next time, Midgar!  
  
Akari: So Cid do you know what this is?  
  
Cid: Um... A telletubby getting naked?  
  
Akari: Very, very close! But in fact, this is the GREEN SCENE, the women army that wears only camouflage bras and underwear... Stripping!!  
  
Cid: Oh @#$%, I missed it... Is there a replay?  
  
Akari: No, this was filmed live from backstage.  
  
Cid puts an evil Grinch-smile on his face and runs backstage. Screams of 'DON'T LOOK AT MY @#$%!!!' and 'STOP TOUCHING MY BODY PARTS!' are heard.  
  
Akari: Erm... We'll be back with more WHOSE LINE, FFVII version!!  
  
  
  
^^^COMMERCIAL^^^  
  
Anouncer: Hey kids, do you like hardcore Anime nudity, ladies with blue and green hair, and crappy battle systems? Then Lunar 2: Eternal Blue Complete is for you! But guess what? This is NOT a Lunar 2 commercial! This commercial is for Final Fantasy VIII, even though the last time a commercial aired for it was 4 years ago! Well, FFVIII has a cool battle system, great characters, an amazing storyline, and best of all... SQUALL LEONHART!!!!  
  
Millions of Squall fangirls are shown.  
  
Anouncer: Unfortunately, this game's also got RINOA HEARTILLY!!!!  
  
The fangirls boo. Squall and Rinoa appear. They wave and start signing autographs. Suddenly, Tifa and Cloud run on the set of the commercial. They start to beat up Squall and Rinoa and pull their hair out.  
  
Squall: Eeeek! Let go of that!  
  
Cloud is gripping Squall's ear.  
  
Rinoa: Stop! I liked those!  
  
Tifa took Rinoa's shoes off and is soaking them in steaming water.  
  
Anouncer: Oh no, Final Fantasy VII has taken over! Run away!!! Oh, by the way, buy FFVII... I mean FFVIII.  
  
The camera blacks out.  
  
^^^END OF COMMERCIAL^^^  
  
  
  
The scene is Tifa, Red XIII, and Shera standing in the Tifa's Seventh Heaven basement.  
  
Tifa: Sooo......  
  
Shera: Boring.........  
  
Red XIII: Yeah.  
  
Akari appears in a camouflage bikini.  
  
Akari: Eeeeeeek!!!!! What am I wearing?! Zack, are you doing this?  
  
Zack, backstage is shown grabbing his car keys and running outside. The sound of a car engine and car wheels screeching is heard.  
  
Akari: Ugh...  
  
Akari zaps herself her usual outfit, a black cape with black gloves and red pendant around her neck.  
  
Akari: We have 3 party members here, correct? Let's all play the MOVIES FROM A HAT game!! Tifa, Red XIII, and Shera will be performing a scene. During the scene, I'll be picking some movie styles from a hat that the audience wrote down earlier. The crew will have to switch the way they're acting to the style I'm making them. The scene is: Tifa walks in on Shera, Tifa's best friend, with Red XIII, Tifa's boyfriend.  
  
Audience: Wooooo!!!!!  
  
Akari: Begin in normal style!  
  
Shera and Red XIII are all alone in a room.  
  
Shera: Oh, Red, I love you!  
  
Shera gives Red XIII a kiss on the nose.  
  
Audience: Awww...  
  
Tifa walks into the room.  
  
Tifa: Shera, I need a... AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! What are you doing with my boyfriend?!  
  
Akari: WESTERN STYLE!!  
  
Shera: Whell, pardner, I'm jus' talkin' to him over 'ere.  
  
Tifa: Dat's it, put 'em up! I challenge ya to a duel, pardner!  
  
Tifa gets into her fighting a stance.  
  
Red XIII: Oh no, my women are gonna kill 'emselves!  
  
Akari: MATRIX STYLE!!  
  
Tifa: Now, you must learn the ways of the chosen one.  
  
Tifa and Shera kick at each other for a while. Then, Tifa flies into the air, freezes, then rotates. She flies down and hits Shera in the face.  
  
Shera: Ow!  
  
Tifa: Do you know what you were doing wrong?  
  
Shera: Yeah, being your friend!  
  
Audience: *cheers*  
  
Akari: AUSTRALIAN STYLE!!  
  
Tifa: Yer right about that, matey! I'm not yer friend anymore!  
  
Tifa and Shera turn away from each other.  
  
Red XIII: Get along you two, or I'll kick your arses so hard, you'll kiss the moons! (thank you, Chrono Cross.)  
  
Akari: TELLETUBBY STYLE!!  
  
Tifa: Reddy is right! Lets be friends!  
  
Shera: Okay, give me a hug!  
  
Tifa and Shera hug.  
  
Audience: Awww....  
  
Red XIII: May I have a hug?  
  
Tifa: Yes, you may.  
  
Tifa hugs Red XIII.  
  
Akari: Okay, finish! This is getting to be rated G.  
  
Shera: Oh, we're done? Gosh, that was the most @#$%ing piece of @#$%ing @#$% I've ever done.  
  
Tifa: Catching on to Cid?  
  
Akari: Anyways, you guys weren't really in love with Red XIII, right?  
  
Tifa: Nah.  
  
Akari: Thank God.  
  
Scene goes to Cait Sith playing cards with Reno and Elena.  
  
Cait Sith: Why am I here?  
  
Elena: I dunno. Go fish.  
  
Cait Sith picks up a card.  
  
Cait Sith: Hey, this isn't a regular card...  
  
Reno looks at it.  
  
Reno: Hmm... It's a Joker, but instead of 'Joker', it says Harlequin. And the picture is a bit demented.  
  
Cait Sith: Oh well, I'll just take it out.  
  
Akari appears in a silver flash.  
  
Akari: Hey, wanna play a game?  
  
Reno: We are.  
  
Akari: How about we play the OLD GRAMPA GAME SHOW game?  
  
Elena: Or old Grandma?  
  
Akari: Same thing. You will all be on a game show, Jeopardy, and I'll be the annoying host.  
  
Akari snaps her fingers and the scene turns into the set of Jeopardy.  
  
Akari: Catergories: The Turks, ShinRa, SOLDIER, Heroes, and Sephiroth. (I'm not sure how many catergories there are exactly.) Okay, Cait Sith, you choose first.  
  
Cait Sith: Back in them olden days, we didn't play these strange hodiggley games!  
  
Akari: Too bad. Now pick a catergory, loser.  
  
Cait Sith: I'd like the ShinRa catergory, please for $100.  
  
Akari: Answer: Reeve.  
  
Cait Sith: Who is me?  
  
Akari: Correct, but it was 'Who is Cait Sith?'.  
  
Cait Sith: Sorry, I'm halfway deaf. Can't hear you too well. Heroes for $200.  
  
Akari: Cloud, Tifa, Barret, Cid, Red XIII, Yuffie, Vincent, Cait Sith.  
  
Elena buzzes in.  
  
Elena: Who are the heroes who saved the world?  
  
Akari: Correct.  
  
Elena: You know, 80 years ago, when I was 90 years old, me and the Turds... I mean Turks were fighting them 'heroes'.  
  
Akari: Pick a catergory, loser.  
  
Elena: Um... ShinRa for $400.  
  
Akari: Rufus ShinRa.  
  
Elena: Who is my new boyfriend?  
  
Audience: Woooo!!!!  
  
Akari: No, the question is 'Who is the President of ShinRa?'.  
  
Elena: Oh shiznits. Sephiroth for $300.  
  
Akari: Jenova.  
  
Reno buzzes in.  
  
Reno: Who does Sephiroth think his mother is?  
  
Akari: Correct.  
  
Reno: Last time I checked, Elena was his mother.  
  
Elena: How dare you! Old people don't spread rumours.  
  
Akari: You spelled rumors wrong.  
  
Elena: Oh, shiznits, I hate this game!  
  
Akari: Okay... I guess the game is over.  
  
The scene changes to everyone who played Akari's games, along with Akari, on the set of Whose Line Is It, Anyway?.  
  
Akari: Well, that's it for the episode. Next time, we join the FFVIII crew at the Whose Line set. But our final game for the FFVII team is CREDITS... Tifa, Shera, and Yuffie will be reading the credits in gansta style.  
  
Tifa: Hey, wazzup!  
  
Yuffie: We wanna thank all our homeys over here!  
  
Shera: Cloud Strife, Tifa Lockhart, Yuffie Kisaragi...  
  
Yuffie: Hey, dat's me!  
  
Tifa: Barret Wallace, Cid Highwind, Vincent Valentine...  
  
Yuffie: An' o' course, Red XIII and Cait Sith.  
  
Shera: Special thanks to Da Aeris and Jerry S., an' o' course the GREEN SCENE ladies!  
  
Tifa: Thanks for da special effects, Zack!  
  
Yuffie: We love ya, Reno an' Elena!  
  
Shera: An' finally, our fav' homey, Akari otherwise ~Tifa~!!  
  
Akari: Thank you, and till next time! Tune in for FFVIII!!  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
Please review!!! Just give me 5 good reviews, and I'll do my best to give you and unforgettable FFVIII feature! 


	2. FFVIII

Note from Akari: Hello again and thank you all so very much for reviewing!!! Here is (the hopefully long awaited) episode 2, with FFVIII!!! Enjoy!!  
  
There is some use of pornography in here... Heh heh heh...  
  
THERE IS A LARGE SPOILER IN HERE, but I'm marking it. Try to skip it if you want.  
  
As I mentioned before, I have some... Okay, most... Okay, three fourths of the titles of the games wrong. Excuse that.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything I'm using, but I'm using everything I don't own. *gets dragged away* What did I do?...  
  
  
  
EPISODE 2: FINAL FANTASY VIII  
  
Akari is on the Who's Line Is It, Anyway? set, sitting in Drew Carey's chair.  
  
Akari: Welcome back! If you have seen (...or read) the FFVII Whose Line episode, then enjoy the FFVIII version! But if you haven't, what are you thinking? Go back a chapter and read it right now or I'll kill you! I will!  
  
A man in a shirt that says 'SECURITY' on it walks up to Akari.  
  
Akari: Oops... Nevermind. Oh, and, enjoy.  
  
The guy walks away. Drew Carey arrives and looks at Akari evily.  
  
Akari: What?  
  
Drew: I want my set back.  
  
Akari: Hey, we had a deal! I can have it for a week!  
  
Drew's eye twitches.  
  
Akari: Uh...  
  
Akari holds up a wad of Monopoly 100 dollar bills. Drew smiles, grabs them, and runs away.  
  
Drew: Sucker!!  
  
Akari: Heh heh heh... Hope I don't get arrested again. Anyways, let's go to our first scene.  
  
Scene goes over to Squall, Zell, and Irvine in Squall's dorm.  
  
Squall: Um, what are we doing here?  
  
Zell: I dunno.  
  
Irvine: The author probably put us here.  
  
Akari appears in a blue glitter.  
  
Akari: Are you guys bored?  
  
Zell: ...You put here, didn't you?  
  
Akari: Yep, to get you all bored. *smiles Anime-style, eyes squinting and teeth showing* Anyways, let's play a game. We're gonna do the BACHELORS game! We need a girl, though...  
  
Akari zaps Ellone onto the set.  
  
Ellone: Huh?... What am I doing here?  
  
Akari: Eeek! Ellone, put on a robe!  
  
Ellone looks down and realizes she's in her very revealing nightgown.  
  
Ellone: Aaaah!  
  
Akari: Were you sleeping? It's only 12 midnight, you know.  
  
Ellone: No, I wasn't sleeping. I was actually in a strip club a moment ago.  
  
Akari: ...  
  
Ellone: ...  
  
Akari: ...Really?  
  
Ellone: No, you idiot! Of course I was sleeping!  
  
Akari: Hmph. Since you're so mean, you'll have to play the BACHELOR game in your nightgown.  
  
Zell: Yeah!  
  
Irvine: Thanks, Akari!  
  
Squall: Hey, let's have Ellone strip!!  
  
Akari smacks Squall on the head.  
  
***SPOILER ABOUT ELLONE BELOW***  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Akari: She's your sister!!  
  
Squall: Not legally.  
  
Akari: Actually, she is.  
  
Squall: Oh, @#$%.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
***Okay, spoiler over. Now read or die.***  
  
Akari: Anyways, Ellone, go over and sit in that chair.  
  
Ellone: What is this exactly?  
  
Akari: A chair.  
  
Ellone: No, what are we doing?  
  
Akari: Playing the BACHELOR game. We have Ellone interview the guys, while they try to be someone from a videogame. (Yeah, I'm changing it a little.)  
  
Ellone sits in the chair. Akari hands a slip of paper to each guy. Squall's imitation is Kasume from Dead Or Alive 1-3, Zell is Pikachu from the Pokemon games, and Irvine is Solid Snake from Metal Gear Solid.  
  
Akari: Okay, Ellone, you'll be making up stupid questions. Begin!  
  
Ellone: Kay, Bachelor One, I like men who exercize a lot and build up their muscles. What do you do?  
  
Squall: Look here, lady, first of all, I'm a woman. Second, I like to fight.  
  
Ellone: Fight? Demonstrate.  
  
Squall gets up and starts to kick at the camera screen.  
  
Camera Man: Ha, that's nothing.  
  
Squall gets mad and starts to kick the Camera Man in the crotch.  
  
Camera Man: ...Ow! Help me!!  
  
Akari: Squall...  
  
Squall stops and sits down. He smiles Anime-style.  
  
Ellone: Alrighty... Bachelor Two, what is your favorite food?  
  
Zell: Um... Pika pika?  
  
Ellone: ...  
  
Zell: Pika pikachu... Pokemon food.  
  
Ellone: I've got no idea what you're talking about. Bachelor Three, what kind of women do you like?  
  
Irvine: Well, I like lotsa women. Red hair, Chinese ladies, those freaky ones who smoke...  
  
Ellone: Okaaaaaaay, thank you. Bachelor One, what kind of women do you like?  
  
Squall: I told you, I am a woman. But I like the ladies who wouldn't mind sharing make-up tips with me.  
  
Ellone: Erm...  
  
Squall: Oh, do you have some tips for me? Ayane was the only one nice enough to actually give me one, but she told me to get a life, which wasn't very helpful, but...  
  
Ellone: Here's a tip. Let's move on.  
  
Squall: Give me a make-up tip or I'll kill you!!  
  
Ellone: Ha ha ha... Bachelor Two, where do you take your dates?  
  
Zell: Pika pika! To the Pokemon Center! Pika pika!  
  
Ellone: ...I'll just ignore this one. Where do you take your dates, Bachelor Three?  
  
Irvine: I like that place where you shoot things.  
  
Ellone: You mean a police training center?  
  
Irvine: No, the place where there are lots of wars and you gotta use stealth and you can shoot bosses.  
  
Ellone: ...Bachelor One, tell me about where you live.  
  
Squall: I can't. I don't live anywhere.  
  
Ellone: Where do you usually spend time, then?  
  
Squall: In a fighting ring.  
  
Ellone: Hmm... Bachelor Three?  
  
Irvine: *wakes up* Huh? What? Fire? Nooooo!! FIRE!! RUN, EVERYONE!  
  
Ellone: No, it's--  
  
Zell: Pika, you skipped my turn, pika!  
  
Squall: You're gonna pay for skipping this retard's turn!  
  
Squall starts to kick high into the air... Very, VERY high.  
  
Ellone: ...  
  
Ellone smacks her own forehead.  
  
Akari: Okay, that's enough! The game's over!  
  
The Chaos stops.  
  
Somewhere in the FFVII world...  
  
Vincent: Huh? Chaos?  
  
Okay, back to FFVIII.  
  
Akari: Who do you think they were trying to be?  
  
Ellone: Um... Squall is Zell, Zell is some kind of freak from Digimon, and Irvine is the fat guy from Lunar II?  
  
Akari: ...That's all wrong.  
  
Squall: Okay, first of all... I could have been Zell, since he's a kickboxing woman,--  
  
Zell: ...That's right!  
  
Squall: ...but I'm Kasume from the DOA games.  
  
Zell: Okay, what the @#$% gave you the idea that I was a Digimon?! I was a @#$%ing Pokemon! There is a difference, you know. Those evil Digimon are the ones who don't say 'pika pika' and answer things like 'Pokemon center' and 'Pokemon food'!  
  
Ellone: Erm... Cunno.  
  
Zell: Cunno?  
  
Ellone: Oops, I mean... Sorry. I don't even know what a cunno is.  
  
Akari: Heh heh heh... I've been playing FFX.  
  
Ellone: Eh?  
  
Akari: Nevermind. Irvine?  
  
Irvine: Well, I can see why you guessed Borgan from Lunar II, but I'm Solid Snake. But you know, they do have a lot in common.  
  
Ellone: Well... I guess one out of three isn't bad.  
  
Akari: Gosh, Ellone, you suck.  
  
Akari zaps Ellone back to the strip club.  
  
At a strip club...  
  
Ellone: Uh oh... Akari believed me!  
  
A fat guy comes by Ellone.  
  
Borgan: Hey, wanna dance?  
  
Ellone: ...AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Back to the set.  
  
Akari: Well, that was interesting. Let's have a commercial break now.  
  
  
  
^^^COMMERCIAL^^^  
  
Anouncer: Hey, all you @#$%ing kids out there! If you're under 13 @#$%ing years old, then turn off your @#$%ing TV right now, cause you're about to see... Some @#$%ing awesome @#$%!!! Welcome to Final @#$%ing Fantasy IX!!! We have our @#$%ing hero, Zidane Tribal...  
  
Zidane comes on the screen. The fans standing outside boo.  
  
Anouncer: And of course, that @#$%ing Vivi.  
  
Vivi comes on the screen. The fans boo.  
  
Anouncer: And our @#$%ing Princess?  
  
Dagger comes on the screen. The fans boo.  
  
Anouncer: Why, you @#$%ing fans! What did you come here for, anyway?  
  
Three fans pull down their pants. On the first one's butt is a C, on the second one's butt is an I, and on the third one's butt is a D.  
  
Anouncer: Why, Cid... That's my @#$%ing name! Thanks, you @#$%ing fans!  
  
Backstage guy: Um Mr. Highwind? They said we're not allowed to film live commercials anymore.  
  
Anouncer: ...Oh, @#$%^&*@#$%^&*#$%^&*@$#$%^&*@#$%^&*--  
  
Backstage guy: That's enough!  
  
Anouncer: Wait, I'm not done. And now I gotta start over! Oh well... #@#$%^&&^%@#$%^&@#$%^&*@#$%^&*@#$%^@!#@$%^&@#$%^&@#$%^!!!!!!!!!  
  
^^^END OF COMMERCIAL^^^  
  
  
  
Akari is on the Who's Line set.  
  
Akari: Erm... They gotta fire that Cid. Maybe hire the one from FFIX that keeps calling Princess Garnet a whore and me a 'Weird Tifa Resembling Sorceress Lady'? Oh, we're back! Let's check out what the girls are doing!  
  
Akari dissapears and appears in SeeD Garden Dorms. Rinoa, Quistis, and Selphie are huddled in a corner.  
  
Akari: Watcha got there?  
  
Rinoa shields the thing they're holding.  
  
Rinoa: Sorry, we can't show you.  
  
Akari: ...I am the infamous ~Tifa~!! I shall kill you if you don't hand that over!!  
  
Quistis: *sweatdrop* Um... Let's just give it to her.  
  
Rinoa: ...Okay.  
  
Rinoa hands over the object. It's a photo album full of...  
  
Akari: *gasps* Pornography of the male SeeDs!!  
  
Selphie: Hey... We would appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone about this.  
  
Akari starts laughing.  
  
Akari: You girls are so pathetic! I've got much better pornography over here...  
  
Akari opens her cape and pulls a little book out of her pocket. She opens it and shows it Quistis, Rinoa, and Selphie.  
  
Quistis: Who are all these naked 30 year old men?  
  
Akari: Actually, they're not 30. That guy with the red eyes is 27, that guy with the cool hair's 21, and that one with the cigar in his mouth... Okay, 32.  
  
Selphie: Eeew...  
  
Rinoa: Okay, you've taught us a lesson. We'll stop this illegal porn usage.  
  
Akari: Well, girls, I wasn't trying to teach you a--Huh? This is illegal?  
  
Quistis: Uh oh...  
  
Selphie: You're not the police, are you?  
  
Akari: Me? Of course not... I don't even have an affliate with the Sector 7 Female Butt Kicker Officers...  
  
Akari closes her cape and hides her Sector 7 Female Butt Kicker Officer badge.  
  
Rinoa: Good. Anyways, what are you doing here?  
  
Akari: Well, you all know me. Remember?  
  
Rinoa: Hmm... Christmas Chaos?  
  
Akari: Yep. *beams*  
  
Rinoa: Oh, the fanfic where you let Squall have a monkey named BOOB?  
  
Akari: Right.  
  
Quistis: We won't ask.  
  
Selphie: Anyways...  
  
Akari: We're gonna play a game called TWISTER!!!  
  
Rinoa, Quistis, and Selphie: NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Akari: Just kidding. We're playing the FOREIGN LANGUAGE game!  
  
Rinoa: Yay! I can speak Latin, you know.  
  
Akari: That's nice, but--  
  
Rinoa:  
  
Excitate vos e somno,  
  
Liberi mei cunnae sunt non,  
  
Excitate vos e somno,  
  
Liberi fatali somnusna est non!  
  
Akari: ...  
  
Rinoa: ...  
  
Akari: Anyways, we need a foreign language from the audience!  
  
Random audience members: Latin! Latin! Latin! Latin! Russian! Latin! Latin! Latin! Latin!  
  
Akari: Hmm... I'll go with Russian.  
  
Rinoa: Oh, @#$%...  
  
Audience: Boooo!!!!  
  
Akari: Too bad. Now, we need one more person onstage...  
  
Rinoa: I can pick!  
  
Akari: Well, I hope you're not drunk on sake.  
  
Rinoa: Um... I'm not...  
  
Akari: Cause last time...  
  
Rinoa goes to the audience. She finds someone and comes back out. The person looks just like...  
  
Akari: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Seifer, what are you doing here?!  
  
Seifer: Um... Well, I sure wasn't trying to blow stuff up.  
  
Seifer hides the explosive he's holding behind his back.  
  
Rinoa: Seifer! Are you having that problem with exploding things again?  
  
Seifer: No, how dare you!  
  
Akari: Anyways, let's play. I'll give you a scene to start with. Rinoa and Seifer are on a date at the Gold Saucer and Rinoa is drunk on sake.  
  
Rinoa: Wait, I have two things to say... 1.) What's the Gold Saucer? and 2.) I'm already drunk on sake, even though I said I wasn't before.  
  
Akari: 1.) It's an amusement park. 2.) Good, you won't have to pretend.  
  
Rinoa: ...Uh, yeah.  
  
Akari: Selphie will do Seifer's translation and Rinoa will be done by Quistis. By the way, Rinoa, why aren't you talking all weirdly like most people do when they're drunk?  
  
Rinoa: Um... Ish thish better?  
  
Akari: Yep, but Quistis will have to be talking that way.  
  
Quistis: Aw, man...  
  
Akari: Okay, begin!  
  
Rinoa: Ã˜Ã¢Ã³Ã¼ Ã²Ã´ Ã¥Ã¹Ã¥!  
  
**Quistis: Let'sh go on thatsh ride!  
  
Seifer: ÃˆÃ£Ã¥ Ã¤Ã´Ã»Ã¥ Ã¥Ã¸Ã¼Ã³ Ã­Ã¹Ã£ Ã§Ã£Ã«Ã³Ã¢ Ã¥Ã¶Ã¸Ã±Ã³...  
  
**Selphie: No, let's go buy hot dogs.  
  
Rinoa: Ã€Ã¸Ã²Ã´.  
  
**Quistis: Fine, you shtupid bard.  
  
Rinoa and Seifer walk off a few steps to find a guy who looks just like Zell onstage.  
  
Akari: *gasp* Zell?  
  
Zell: Yep. *smiles in a cheap way*  
  
Akari: Well, if you're part of the story...  
  
Rinoa: ÃŸÃ³Ã¤Ã¤!?  
  
**Quistis: Lookie, it'sh the @#$%ing hotsh dog sheller.  
  
Seifer: Ã˜ Ã¥Ã°Ã¹Ã£Ã¯Ã°Ã¥ Ã˜ Ã«Ã¸Ã¤Ã¤Ã³Ã¢ Ã°Ã¸Ã¼.  
  
**Selphie: I thought I killed him!  
  
Rinoa: Ã˜ Ã¶Ã´Ã²Ã²Ã´ Ã°Ã¹Ã¥ Ã¢Ã¹Ã¯.  
  
**Quistis: Give me a hotsh dog, you shtupid bard.  
  
Zell hands Rinoa a strange, inedible lump.  
  
Rinoa: ÃœÃ¼Ã¼, Ã¸Ã».  
  
**Quistis: Mmm, ish thish from Canada?  
  
Akari: Um... I'll do Zell's translation.  
  
Zell: Ã 


	3. FFIX

To answer the question that was asked in the reviews: No, I was not making fun of Laguna. He is one of my favorite characters and I absolutely love him. Don't think any differently just cause I wrote a humor fic in which I have to decide on a character to name 'Dr. Flatulent'! I'm very sorry to those who I offended. Please remember that any FF characters who I put into a stupid situation are always my favorites.  
  
Just to tell you, anyone who's name is surrounded with two ~~, their name would be prounounced ____Star. Like ~Tifa~ is TifaStar and ~Cloud~ is CloudStar. Even though I'm using Akari and Ryu for now, I just thought you might like to know this for later fics.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't know why you're reading this right now if you already know what I'm gonna say. I don't own anything so go straight to the fic next time! Hey? Are you still here? *pulls out a machine gun* Go read the frikkin fanfic!  
  
EPISODE 3: FINAL FANTASY IX  
  
Akari is in a hot tub, half-naked.  
  
Akari: *sigh* My job sucks... I wanna go back to hosting parties, passing out alcohol, and screaming at ~Cloud~. I miss the FFVII people. They're the only ones who let me do all that. Oh well, maybe the FFIX crew will be like that!  
  
Akari looks around. She suddenly notices the camera pointing straight at her.  
  
Akari: Eeeeek!!!! You morons, what are you doing here?! I'm naked!!!  
  
Camera Man: Sorry, but the show is being taped live.  
  
Akari: ...AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
A few minutes later, Akari gets everything straightened out and puts on her cape and jewelry. She gets on the Who's Line? stage.  
  
Akari: (whispering to herself) That @#$%, Drew Carey... What a @#$%... Wanted to make me look bad on TV... My ~Cloudy~'s gonna get him...  
  
Akari looks around and stops whispering to herself.  
  
Akari: Oh, hello! Welcome back to the FFIX episode! Today, we will present to you all of the following: nudity, evil cats, sushi music, noisemkers that came from nowhere, sake, swearing, and of course video tapes of me naked and drunk and holding a flamethrower! So let's get to the show!  
  
~Cloud~, now Ryu in this fic, walks onstage.  
  
Ryu: Hey, Akari.  
  
Akari: Hi. What's up with the name?  
  
Ryu: Well, you had a cute Japanese one, so I wanted one too. Anyways, I'm co-hosting the show with you.  
  
Akari's eyes bulge out.  
  
Akari: You?! No!!! Says who?  
  
Ryu: Well, your cat put me in.  
  
Akari: ...Cat?  
  
Ryu: Yep. Remember Cassiopeia?  
  
Akari: Yes, I love my kitty.  
  
Ryu: Well, the kitty told me to get in the fic. So I obeyed her.  
  
Akari: ...Whatever. As long as she doesn't come here. I don't want her to ruin the set.  
  
Akari and Ryu dissapear in a rainbow glimmer. The scene changes to Zidane, Dagger, Steiner, and Vivi in Alexandria Castle being bored.  
  
Zidane: It's quite boring. This should be a splendid time.  
  
Vivi: Huh?  
  
Zidane: ...What?  
  
Dagger: Hey, remember that one lady? We met her a long time ago?  
  
Steiner: That woman in a dark, sweeping cape with all the mesmerising jewelry and long, flowing brown hair and intimidating red eyes?  
  
Dagger: ...You have a crush on her, you shtupid bard??!  
  
Steiner: No! She's just that way to describe.  
Dagger: Yesh, that'sh her.  
  
Steiner: I shall not let you hang around her, Queen!  
  
Dagger: Whatever. I liked her. She wash sho aweshome.  
  
Zidane: So did I.  
  
Vivi: Me too.  
  
Dagger: Where ever did she go? And that weird freaky guy, too? That guy had shuch cool hair.  
  
Steiner: Queen, you may not be around them! That guy has dangerous hair!  
  
Akari and Ryu appear.  
  
Vivi: ...It's her!  
  
Steiner: Eeeek!  
  
Vivi runs up to Akari and gives her a hug.  
  
Audience: Awww...  
  
Dagger: Audienshe? Aren't we in Alexandria Cashtle?  
  
Dagger looks around. They're all on the Who's Line? set.  
  
Dagger: Oh, @#$%.  
  
Akari: Since we're here, let's play the SONG SOLO game! We'll have someone from the audience come up and Zidane will sing a song about them to them.  
  
Dagger: May I pick the shtupid bard?  
  
Akari: ...Are you drunk on sake?  
  
Dagger: No, dumbassh.  
  
Akari: Well, okay...  
  
Dagger goes into the audience and leads someone down. The person looks just like...  
  
Steiner: Oh, it's Beatrix. That's no surprise.  
  
Akari: Well, sorry. The last two times that a drunk girl picked an audience member for a game, something strange happened.  
  
Dagger: Beatrix, Zidane'sh gonna shing a shong to you.  
  
Beatrix: Oh, yay.  
  
Beatrix blows a noise maker.  
  
Akari: Huh? Where'd that come from?  
  
Akari pulls the noisemaker away.  
  
Akari: Anyway, what do you like to do, Beatrix?  
  
Beatrix: Hmm... Kill people. Oh, and I like sushi. It's good.  
  
Akari: Alrighty... Zidane's gonna sing to you the 'killing people and eating sushi' song. We have Julia Heartilly and Selphie Tillmitt on piano and guitar.  
  
Julia and Selphie wave and blow noisemakers. They start playing the graduation theme (?).  
  
Akari: ...Let's start!  
  
Beatrix sits in the chair.  
  
Zidane: Ahem...  
  
Beatrix, you like to kick butts  
  
You're one tough female soldier  
  
You once hit Steiner in the nuts  
  
Will you still do this when you're older?  
  
Your favorite food is sushi  
  
That's cause it's fish that's dead  
  
It tastes like bloody meat  
  
You like to see the chopped off head.  
  
Beatrix gets up.  
  
Beatrix: That really sucked. Well, bye.  
  
Beatrix leaves. Zidane starts crying.  
  
Zidane: I don't get it! I worked really hard to make her happy!  
  
Dagger: ...Wash that a love shong?!  
  
Zidane: Yes.  
  
Dagger: Excushe ush...  
  
Dagger drags Zidane backstage. Sounds of "Ow! I'm gonna have to kill you!", "That hurts, you @#$%!", and "Oh no, are you okay? I'm sorry Dagger, I didn't mean to hit you in the face like that... It's just that you were really hurting me..." are heard.  
  
Akari: Hmm, wonder what's going on back there. Oh well.  
  
Ryu: Um... We should leave. Drunk girls can do dangerous things.  
  
Akari: Huh? She's drunk?  
  
Ryu: Yes, on sake. You could tell by the way she talked.  
  
Akari: And how do you know drunk girls do dangerous things?  
  
Ryu: Have you ever seen that video tape I hid under my bed back at our house?  
  
Akari: No. I don't search your stuff.  
  
Akari looks around nervously as if she's hiding something.  
  
Ryu: Good. Don't watch it.  
  
Akari and Ryu leave in a silver waterfall.  
  
^^^COMMERCIAL^^^  
  
Anouncer: ribbit How would you kids like to ribbit play a unique RPG ribbit with a great battle system ribbit and a great storyline with a ribbit awesome cast of characters? ribbit Well, then too bad! Final Fantasy X is rated Teen. ribbit But if you're  
  
desperate to ribbit at least pretend you're playing it, ribbit then watch the following scenes.  
  
Zidane appears onscreeen, marching around and holding a sign that says "I'm single!!".  
  
Anouncer: Ahem... ribbit Sorry, wrong images. Please view the ribbit following.  
  
The scene doesn't change. But Dagger comes on, holding a sign that says "YOU SHALL DIE." and starts hitting Zidane on the head with it.  
  
Anouncer: Yay!!! ribbit I mean... Please buy Final Fantasy X. ribbit  
  
Now, Zidane is lying on the ground, unconcious. Dagger is still hitting him to death. Only she's now laughing evilly. The commercial ends.  
  
^^^END OF COMMERCIAL^^^  
  
Freya: ...AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! Who are you?! What are you doing here?!  
  
Akari: I'm Akari and that's Ryu.  
  
Freya: ...  
  
Akari: You may remember us as ~Tifa~ and ~Cloud~ from the Christmas Chaos! fanfic?  
  
Freya: ...  
  
Akari: Were you even in that one? Hmm, I'll have to go check...  
  
Freya: ...  
  
Akari: Say something!!!  
  
Freya: ...Well, I'm stunned. You just appear in my house and find me naked in the hot tub.  
  
Ryu: Look, put on some clothes. We're gonna play a game.  
  
Freya: ...  
  
Akari: Hey, why do you even have a hot tub? And why are we in your house? Your home was never shown in FFIX.  
  
Freya: Let me get dressed, will you?  
  
Ryu: No, we'd rather watch.  
  
Akari punches Ryu in the face and he falls on the floor, unconcious.  
  
Akari: I'll never be able to get him outta here, so I stunned him. Go ahead and dress and if he wakes up, just scream.  
  
Akari walks outside and Freya starts to dress. Moments later, a scream is heard from inside. Akari runs back.  
  
Akari: He woke up?  
  
Freya: ...No. Sorry.  
  
Akari: *sigh* Why'd you do that?  
  
Freya: *shrugs* Dunno.  
  
Akari walks outside. Freya gets dressed and Akari goes back in.  
  
Akari: Okay, we gotta wake him up.  
  
Akari pulls a weird wand out of her cape. She hits Ryu on the head with it and he awakens.  
  
Ryu: Wha?...  
  
Akari: Ahem... Look, Freya, were gonna play a game.  
  
Ryu: We need more people! And a set!  
  
Akari zaps herself, Ryu, and Freya to the Who's Line? set and zaps Eiko and Amarant in.  
  
Eiko: Where am I? I was just in the middle of a very important activity! I was trying to cook my moogles! ...I mean, cook FOR my moogles.  
  
Amarant: And I was just giving Lani a foot massage! ...I mean a back rub! ...I mean both! ...I mean... Oh, @#$%.  
  
Akari: *nods head* Uh-uh... Anyways, were gonna play the MOVIE STYLES FROM A HAT game! I think it's been done before, but if you actually care, go read another fic. Our players will be acting out movie styles that the audience wrote down earlier. The scene is: Amarant and Freya are drunk at a pub and they're spreading rumors. That's when our special guest comes in.  
  
Amarant: Huh?  
  
Akari: You'll see.  
  
Eiko: And... What do I do in this?  
  
Akari: Oh, um... I dunno. Just stand there.  
  
Eiko: Hmph. I'm gonna go back to cooking my moogles!  
  
Akari: You mean cooking FOR your moogles.  
  
Eiko: No, I mean COOKING MY MOOGLES!!!  
  
Eiko leaves.  
  
Akari: Oookay... Start the scene normally.  
  
Freya and Amarant sit down and pretend to be drunk.  
  
Freya: Sho, did you hear about Dagger?  
  
Amarant: What happened to her, shilly?  
  
Freya: Zidane beat her up.  
  
Amarant: Why?  
  
Freya: Becaushe he shung a love shong to Beatrix and Dagger got mad.  
  
Amarant: Hey, Beatrix ish hot...  
  
Freya: Figuresh.  
  
Amarant: You're hot too...  
  
Akari: EHRGEIZ (FIGHTING) STYLE!!!  
  
Freya: Why, you shpoony bard! I shall dominate you!  
  
Freya gets up and starts kickboxing Amarant.  
  
Amarant: Oof!  
  
Freya: Hiya!!!  
  
Suddenly, a dinging noise is heard. A little meter at the bottom of the screen fills up.  
  
Freya: Limit Break!  
  
Freya does an awesome combo and kicks Amarant in the crotch, knocking him on the floor. The 9-note Final Fantasy victory theme chimes and Freya does her end-of-battle stance.  
  
Akari: X-MEN STYLE!!!  
  
Freya: Are you alright, Cyclops?  
  
Amarant takes off his 'glasses'. A ray of red beam shoots at Freya.  
  
Amarant: You're not Shtorm! I know it'sh you, Myshtique!!  
  
Freya turns into Wolverine.  
  
Freya: I can shmell you!  
Amarant: And I can ushe thish lasher thingy on you!  
  
Akari: That's enough, please... JAMES BOND STYLE!!!  
  
Amarant and Freya aren't Mystique and Cyclops anymore.  
  
Amarant: I know who you are. You're evil! Die!!!  
  
Amarant starts shooting a gun at Freya.  
  
Freya: Wait, I'm not Renard! I'm a Bond Girl!  
  
Amarant: Oh. Hey there, baby. How 'bout you get me a drink? Shaken, not shtirred.  
  
Freya walks off to the side, mixes up some poison and hands it to Amarant.  
  
Amarant: Thish shmells like...  
  
Freya: Jusht drink it!  
  
Amarant drinks the stuff and falls down.  
  
Amarant: Thish...ish...poison...  
  
Freya: Mwuahahahaha!!!!! I'm not a Bond Girl... I am Renard!!  
  
Amarant: AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Amarant frantically starts shooting at Freya.  
  
Akari: POKEMON STYLE!!  
  
Freya: Pikachu, are you alright?!  
  
Amarant: Pika pika...  
  
Freya uses a Revive on Amarant.  
  
Amarant: Pika, pika pikachu!!  
  
Akari (as the bartender): Hey, no Pokemon in here!  
  
Freya: We have to defeat that @#$%ing bartender! Thundershock attack!  
  
Amarant: Pika... CHU!!!  
  
Amarant zaps Akari.  
  
Akari: TEMPTATION ISLAND STYLE!!  
  
Freya: You've GOT to be kidding!!!  
  
Akari: Nope. *smiles Animey*  
  
Amarant: *sigh* Okay...  
  
Freya: Hey, nice job. Here'sh your reward!  
  
Freya opens her shirt (not for real).  
  
Akari: Hee hee... It's time for our special guest!!!  
  
Lani appears onstage.  
  
Lani: Hey, what do you think you're doing?!  
  
Freya: Wanna shee?  
  
Lani: Dear God, no!! You're a slut, aren't you?  
  
Freya: *growls*  
  
Freya dives at Lani.  
  
Freya: Thish ish a @#$%ing game, you @#$%!!!  
  
Lani: Hey, let go of my shirt! You're gonna pull it off!  
  
Akari: *sigh* That's enough, girls...  
Amarant: No, I wanna shee more!  
  
Akari whacks Amarant on the head.  
  
Akari: You sick fungus!!  
  
Amarant: Well, shorry. I'm just catching on from you.  
  
Akari: *sweatdrop* What do you mean?  
  
Amarant: You alwaysh drool over ~Cloud~.  
  
Akari: You little...  
  
Akari dives at Amarant.  
  
Ryu: Oh no... Catfights... Okay, that's enough!  
  
Ryu splits everyone up.  
  
Akari: You're right.  
  
Lani: That SLUT is flashing her breasts at my man!  
  
Freya: Flashing my breashtsh?! Thish ish a frikkin game!  
  
Lani: ???  
  
Akari: This is just a game. We're on the Who's Line? thing.  
  
Lani: Oops... Sorry, Freya.  
  
Freya: It's alright.  
  
Freya and Lani hug.  
  
Ryu: Awww...  
  
Amarant: Woohoo!!  
  
Akari whacks Amarant again.  
  
Akari: You basterd! Ahem... We should really be going now.  
  
Ryu: Um... Yeah.  
  
Ryu and Akari dissapear. They appear in Madain Sari, where Eiko is standing over a stove.  
  
Eiko: Mmm... Almost done!  
  
Akari: Watcha doin'?  
  
Eiko jumps back, startled.  
  
Eiko: Eeek! What are you doing here?  
  
Akari: We were gonna play a game.  
  
Eiko: Not now, I have to serve my guests.  
  
Eiko fiddles with the stove.  
  
Ryu: What is that? It smells like a roasted moogle.  
  
Eiko: Well, I'm sure not cooking my moogles!  
  
Akari: Where are they, then?  
  
Eiko smacks her own forehead.  
  
Eiko: You two are such dimwits! I'm cooking my moogles, duh!  
  
Ryu: But... Why?  
  
Eiko: Cause I have company and I ran out of fish and I really hate those @#$%^&*(ing moogles.  
  
Akari: Oh.  
  
Eiko: Excuse me.  
  
Eiko picks up the pan on the stove and brings it into her dining room. Akari and Ryu follow her. A few people are sitting at the table.  
  
Akari: ...Lani???  
  
Lani: Konichiwa.  
  
Akari: Whatever. What are you doing here?  
  
Lani: I wanna play a game. Are you gonna play a game?  
  
Akari: Yep.  
  
Lani: Yay!!!  
  
Akari: Ehh... Oh, hey Beatrix.  
  
Beatrix: Why is no one ever exited to see me?  
  
Akari: *shrugs*  
  
Beatrix: Hey, are we gonna play a game?  
  
Akari: Yep.  
  
Beatrix: Yay!!! Oh, I mean... Your @#$%ing games are a disgrace to me.  
  
Akari: Riiiiight.  
  
Ryu: Let's play the GREEN SCREEN game!!!  
  
Akari: We played that.  
  
Ryu: No, that was the GREEN SCENE.  
  
Akari: It was the same thing! I just had the title wrong last time.  
  
Ryu: Oh, @#$%. Let's play anyway.  
  
Akari: Kay. Lani and Beatrix will be on a news broadcast going live, and Eiko will be looking at the Green Screen. She can only see green but us high-class people will see one weird image after another. Start!  
  
Lani and Beatrix sit down. Eiko goes over to the green screen. On it, adorable chocobos and moogles are shown frolicking around a field.  
  
Lani: Hey, you know that Freya?  
  
Beatrix: Yeah, she is the ultimate slut!!  
  
Lani: Oh, we're live... Welcome to Channel 3!!!  
  
Akari: *sigh...* 3? We had creative numbers in FFVII!!  
  
Lani and Beatrix ignore Akari.  
  
Beatrix: Our top story: Little girl cooks family. The girl is one of our reporters, Eiko Carol of Madain Sari, a six year old living with the moogles who raised her. We have an interview with her later, but right now, she's live at a site where something mad is going on!!! Eiko?  
  
Eiko: Thanks, you @#$%. I'm, as the @#$% mentioned, at a site with incredible one-in-a-lifetime scene.  
  
Lani: What's going on?  
  
Eiko: Well, this is a riot! The children of the world shouldn't be allowed to see this disgusting crap!  
  
Beatrix: Isn't it wild?  
  
Eiko: Yeah, just look at these things! They seem to be brain-washing us all!  
  
Lani: But they look so helpless, with all the bright colors. Look at the fur and feathers.  
  
Eiko: That's what makes them suspicious. They could be turned into coats!  
  
Beatrix: Um, what are they doing?  
  
Eiko: Going mad! This reminds me of that strip club my grampa took me to see.  
  
Somewhere in Heaven...  
  
Eiko's Grampa: *sweatdrop* Uh........ I didn't take her to see no strip show.  
  
Ooookay, back to the Who's Line? set.  
  
Lani: What is happening?  
  
Eiko: They're hyper and horny! If I don't watch out, these things might come eat me!!!  
  
Beatrix: Okay, that's it for today.  
  
Akari: What is this, Eiko?  
  
Eiko: A... Strip show?  
  
Akari: Hmm, maybe if they didn't have fur and feathers covering their bodies... But no, this is actually a bunch of chocobos and moogles happily frolicking around a field.  
  
Eiko: Hey, where are they?  
  
Akari: Outside the set, in Madain Sari.  
  
Eiko walks outside the set. Akari follows her.  
  
Eiko: Awwww, look at all the moogly-wooglies and chocy-wokies!!!  
  
Akari: Does this weird cuteness teach you a lesson?  
  
Eiko: Yep, I'll never cook moogles or chocobos again!  
  
Akari: ...You also cooked chocobos?  
  
Eiko: Um... Heh heh... No.  
  
Eiko gets on a chocobo and takes a moogle into her arms. Akari takes Ryu and they go outside of Madain Sari.  
  
Akari: That's so cute, she realized that you shouldn't kill the people or things you love!  
  
Ryu: This should teach you a lesson. Don't kill me!  
  
Akari: *sigh* Fine...  
  
Suddenly, a moogle and chocobo run out of Madain Sari.  
  
Moogle: Kupo, she's got a knife!  
  
Chocobo: Wark! Kweh!! Wark!  
  
Moogle: And a stove, kupo!!  
  
The chocobo and moogle run away. Akari and Ryu shrug and dissapear in a silver beam. They appear in their house in Sector 7.  
  
Akari: ...Why are we here?  
  
Ryu: *shrugs* Dunno. Maybe your magic's going bozo.  
  
Akari: Eeek! It's Cassiopeia!  
  
Akari's cat is looking at Akari and Ryu with evil red eyes.  
  
Ryu: Eh... What does she want?  
  
Akari: Let's stay away...  
  
Akari and Ryu back up. Suddenly, Cassiopeia starts chasing them.  
  
Ryu: Quick, run into my room!  
  
Akari and Ryu run into Ryu's room and lock the door so the evil cat can't get in.  
  
Akari: *pant* ...What's...wrong...with...her...?  
  
Ryu: *pant* ...I...dunno...  
  
Three hours later...  
  
Akari: *sigh* We could be out making the FFIX people play pointless games...  
  
Ryu: But we're stuck here.  
  
Akari: Hey, I've always wondered what you have in your room!  
Ryu: No, don't look under the bed!  
  
Akari looks under the bed.  
  
Ryu: I said, don't look under the bed!  
  
Akari pulls out a videotape.  
  
Akari: Hmm, what's this?  
  
The label says 'The Life of a Weird-Tifa-Resembling-Sorceress-Lady: ~Tifa Lockhart~'.  
  
Akari: ...What is it, Ryu?  
  
Ryu: Don't watch it...  
  
Akari puts the video into the video player. A screen of Ryu comes up.  
  
Ryu: (on TV) Welcome to the world of ~Tifa Lockhart~!! We will now follow ~Tifa~ at a party. Here, she is drunk on sake.  
  
Akari is shown on the screen, wearing nothing but lingerie at a party. Everyone's staring at her.  
  
Akari: (on TV) What? Any of you shtupid bardsh have a problem with me?  
  
(on TV) Akari takes a flamethrower that's on the floor and begins to shoot fire.  
  
Akari: (on TV) Hahahaha!!! Die, die, DIE!!!!!!  
  
Ryu removes the tape.  
  
Akari: ...This must be doctored! I don't remember it happening!  
  
Ryu: Heh heh... Remember ~Yuffie~'s party, where you drank all that sake? Well, you don't remember cause I had to knock you out and drag you away.  
  
Akari: *sigh* ...  
  
Ryu: Sorry you had to know.  
  
Akari: ...  
  
Ryu: Are you okay?  
  
Akari: ... *sigh*  
  
Akari hits Ryu in the face.  
  
Akari: Hey, my power's back! I guess I get it from using violence.  
  
Akari and Ryu (who is half-dead) dissapear in a midnight blue storm. They come back to the Who's Line? set.  
  
Akari: Thank God we got away from that evil kitty...  
  
Back at Akari and Ryu's house...  
  
The cat removes her mask to reveal that it's Kuja.  
  
Kuja: Darn, I guess I scared them away... I was gonna ask to play one of those cheesy games.  
  
Back to the Who's Line? set.  
  
Akari uses a Phoenix Down on Ryu.  
  
Ryu: Huh? Where am I?  
  
Akari: ...We're gonna play the final game besides the credits, the popular HOE-DOWN!!! Now we need four people to play.  
  
Kuja suddenly appears on the set.  
  
Akari: Kuja! Wanna play a game?  
  
Kuja: Yep.  
  
Akari: Great. Oh, may I ask why there's a cat collar around your neck?  
  
Kuja: *sweatdrop* Um... No reason.  
  
Kuja pulls off Cassiopeia's collar.  
  
Akari: Anyway, we need more players.  
  
Akari zaps in Vivi, Steiner, and Dagger.  
  
Dagger: Huh? Last time I checked, I was drunk and Zidane had just beat me up.  
  
Vivi: And I was tasting Eiko's special entree. I swear, it tasted like roasted moogles and chocobos.  
  
Steiner: Well, all I know is that I sure wasn't illegaly looking at porn of the royal Alexandros family.  
  
Akari: Hmm... You're all gonna play the HOE-DOWN game. Except Steiner, cause he's doing illegal stuff.  
  
Steiner: Aw, man...  
  
Dagger: Eeek, it's Kuja!  
  
Kuja: Hiya.  
  
Dagger: ...Is he gonna play?  
  
Akari: Yep.  
  
Dagger: *sigh* Well, I guess it doesn't matter that he tried to kill me and destroy Gaia and eliminate Ryu to have Akari all to himself.  
  
Akari: ...What was that last one?  
  
Dagger: You heard me.  
  
Akari looks at Kuja with evil eyes.  
  
Kuja: Um... Heh heh... *sweatdrop*  
  
Akari: I'll deal with you later. Now, we need a game from the audience that has a nude code.  
  
Random audience members: Final Fantasy X! Tomb Raider! Pac-Man!  
  
Akari: Pac-Man? What the hell?  
  
Kuja: You should be saying 'Final Fantasy X? What the hell?'.  
  
Akari: Oh, you weren't in Christmas Chaos!, were you?  
  
Kuja: No...  
  
Akari: Here's a note to the readers; If you wanna know what the FFX nude code is, go to the Crossover section and find 'Chrismas Chaos!' by me. It's old but good.  
  
Kuja: No advertising!  
  
Akari: I don't have a link, do I? Anyway, our players will do a hoe-down about the Tomb Raider nude code. We have Julia on piano and Selphie on guitar...  
  
Julia and Selphie wave and blow noisemakers.  
  
Akari: *growls* Gimme those!  
  
Akari dives and Julia and Selphie. Moments later, she wins the victory and leaves the girls with black eyes.  
  
Ryu: Ahem... Begin!  
  
Julia and Selphie start playing the hoe-down theme.  
  
Dagger, Vivi, & Kuja: Oh hi-edy di-edy di-edy di-edy di-edy di-edy di!  
  
Dagger steps up..  
  
Dagger: I had a copy of Tomb Raider  
  
And it didn't play too good  
  
I got it from Darth Vader  
  
Which explains why Lara was nude!  
  
Dagger, Vivi, & Kuja: Oh hi-edy di-edy di-edy di-edy di-edy di-edy di!  
  
Vivi steps up.  
  
Vivi: Her butt was all pearly It didn't look too swell So I took the @#$%ing game And I sent it to h*ll!  
  
Dagger, Vivi, & Kuja: Oh hi-edy di-edy di-edy di-edy di-edy di-edy di!  
  
Kuja steps up.  
  
Kuja: But then I decided That I would play again The ending though, was nasty  
  
It showed Lara's rear end.  
  
Dagger, Vivi, & Kuja: It showed Lara's rear end!!  
  
Akari: Erm... Very good. Now we're gonna play the final game, CREDITS!!  
  
Akari zaps everyone who was playing her games on to the set.  
  
Ryu: Okay, now Dagger, Freya, and Amarant will read the credits as three people drunk on sake.  
  
Dagger, Freya, and Amarant step up.  
  
Dagger: Zidane, Shteiner, Vivi...  
  
Freya: Dagger, Eiko, Amarant... Hey, there are no s's in their namesh! @#$%!!  
  
Amarant: Anywaysh... Freya, Kuja... Why washn't Quina in thish epishode?  
  
Freya: Beatrixsh, Lani, Shelphie, Julia...  
  
Dagger: Thanksh to the mooglesh and chocobosh for making shpecial appearances!  
  
Amarant: And Akari'sh evil cat, Casshiopeia, who ish really Kuja.  
  
Freya: Oh, and of courshe the people who made this @#$% posshible--Akari and Ryu!!  
  
Akari: Thanksh... I mean, thanks. Tune in next time for the FFX episode!! Bye!  
  
~*~  
  
The next chapter will feature Final Fantasy X, so don't miss it! Please review!! 


	4. FFX

Konnichi wa and welcome to the FFX episode! All you people who replied rule!!! Thank you so much, and keep reading!!!  
  
Oh, one more thing... Please check back in the FFIX episode if you didn't already read the commercial for FFX. I forgot to put it in, but it's up now.  
  
Disclaimer: *sigh* ...I'm not gonna say it. You know what it is. *evil guy come to drag author away* ... *evil guy pulls out machine gun* Hahaha... That can't do anything! The only thing I'm scared of is Aeris! *evil guy takes off mask, revealing that he's Aeris* Eeek! Okay, I'll say it! Idon'townanythingexceptmyself,Ryu,andanythingIusethat'snotSquaresoft's!!! ...Please put away the gun. Aeris? I don't hate you that much. Don't shoot... ... ... ... ... *gunshot* ...#_#  
  
Erm... Please skip the dumb disclaimers next time.  
  
EPISODE 4: FINAL FANTASY X (Yay!!!)  
  
Akari and Ryu are in their house in Sector 7. Akari is shown standing in front of a door. Ryu isn't shown on screen, but you can tell he's there cause cries of "I'm not coming out, you can't make me!!!" and "I'm gonna hurt you for this, Aki!!!" are heard.  
  
Akari: Oh, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease? Come out!  
  
Ryu: *sigh* Not with this thing on.  
  
Akari: ...Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?  
  
Ryu: NO!  
  
Akari: ...  
  
Ryu: ...  
  
Akari: *starts crying*  
  
Ryu: Hey, don't cry! Okay, I'll come out...  
  
Ryu comes out of the closet that Akari was standing in front of. He's wearing a dress just like Lulu's.  
  
Ryu: *sigh...*  
  
Akari: Say the message!  
  
Ryu: Aki, don't make me do this...  
  
Akari: Hey, I made you come out. Now I'm gonna make you speak.  
  
Akari starts crying.  
  
Ryu: ...Welcome to a special episode of Who's Line Is It, Anyway? Final Fantasy edition, written by Aki!  
  
Akari: Ahem... Akari.  
  
Ryu: But I always call you Aki.  
  
Akari: Not in public fanfictions, you don't.  
  
Ryu: ...Written by Akari. Today, Akari and I will present to you the Final Fantasy X edition! This amazing game has just come out, but because it's the next in the Final Fantasy series, we're gonna make fun of it! Enjoy!  
  
Akari: Okay, thank you Ryu... Now do the Voodoo dance.  
  
Ryu smiles weakly and spins around in a circle.  
  
Akari: Yay! Oh, and to my loyal readers, please don't stop reading this fanfic because of the weird images that Ryu is forcing you to imagine.  
  
Ryu suddenly falls over from spinning too quickly. He faints.  
  
Akari: *sigh* Let's get on with the episode...  
  
Akari takes out a wand and hits Ryu on the head with it. When he wakes up, Ryu and Akari dissapear in a glittery swirl.  
  
Meanwhile, with Tidus and Wakka...  
  
Tidus: Hmm... Where'd you get this, again?  
  
Wakka: It came in a box in the mail.  
  
Tidus: Where's the box? It might say who mailed it to us.  
  
Wakka pulls out a box.  
  
Tidus: ...I can't read that.  
  
Wakka: Heh... Looks like it was written by a drunk 17-year old.  
  
Tidus: Hey, are you making fun of me?! Just because Yuna decided to experiment by giving me sake before I went off to the Blitzball tournament, doesn't mean that you have the privilige to laugh at me.  
  
Wakka: Ehh... Anyway, I can read this. *reading off the box:* From Rinoa Heartilly. To Shquall Leonhart. Open urgently. *stops reading* That doesn't make any sense...  
  
Tidus: Right. Who'd wanna send pornography of these men to a man?  
  
Wakka: There's a note on the back!  
  
The note:  
  
Dear Shquall,  
  
I am writing this caushe I'm drunk and don't know what I'm doing. Thish ish porn that I took of you shecretly while you weren't watching. Pleashe don't shue me. I wanted you to know thish now becaushe I know you won't hurt a drunk girl. Oh, and pleashe throw thish evidence of illegal porn usheage away.  
  
Shincerely,  
  
Rinoa Heartilly  
  
Wakka: Hmm... Let's just get rid of this.  
  
Tidus: But what if Yuna and Rikku want it?  
  
Wakka: Porn? Them?  
  
Tidus: You never know.  
  
Wakka: Well, I guess we'll ask them later. I wanna finish looking through it myself.  
  
Suddenly, red lightning crackles. Akari and Ryu appear.  
  
Akari: Hewo!!  
  
Tidus: ... ... ... Who are you?  
  
Ryu: Weren't you in Christmas Chaos!?  
  
Tidus: No...  
  
Akari: Hmm... I'll have to rewrite that fic and put you in. Anyways, we're gonna play a game!  
  
Wakka: ...What?!  
  
Akari: A game.  
  
Wakka: Get away from me, woman!  
  
Akari: ...Whatever. We're gonna play the OLD GRAMPA GAME SHOW game!  
  
Ryu: Haven't we done that one before?  
  
Akari: I guess... But too bad. Now I'm gonna make these FFX people act it out.  
  
Tidus: Erm... Who are you?  
  
A giant photo of Akari's face appears behind Akari.  
  
Akari: I am the infamous ~Tifa Lockhart~! This is one of my cheesy and inappropriate fanfictions in which I am known as Akari Raye!! Feel my wrath, MWUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
Tidus: ...Huh?  
  
Akari: *sigh* ...Have you ever heard of my co-author, ~Cloud Strife~?  
  
Tidus: *shakes head*  
  
Akari: AKA Ryu Raye?  
  
Tidus: Nope.  
  
Akari: ...  
  
Wakka: Hey, who's that guy wearing a dress like Lulu's?  
  
Akari: That's Ryu.  
  
Ryu: *looks down and realizes he's still wearing Lulu's dress* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
Akari zaps Ryu his regular outfit.  
  
Ryu: Thanks. Now, we're gonna play the OLD GRAMPA GAME SHOW game!!!  
  
Akari: Tidus and Wakka will be contestants on Who Wants to be a Millionaire?.  
  
Ryu: Wakka will be the host and Tidus will be the contestant.  
  
Akari: Okay, start!  
  
Akari zaps in the Who Wants to be a Millionaire? set.  
  
Wakka: Welcome to this cheesy show! You know, back in the olden days, we didn't have these hodiggles! Anyways, our fastest finger question is: Put these ages of FF characters in order from least to greatest! 10, 21, 37, 6. But because we have only one contestant because this show shucks, Tidus wins!! Come on down, you weirdo!  
  
Tidus: Yay!! I think I'm gonna have a heart attack!  
  
Wakka: Good! ...I mean... Terrible. Now let's play this poopy game!  
  
Wakka and Tidus sit down.  
  
Wakka: Your first question for $50,000...  
  
Tidus: Wait a second, shouldn't I begin with the $100 question?  
  
Wakka: Sorry, can't hear you. I'm deaf in one ear! The question is... What is the question?  
  
A.) I don't know  
  
B.) I'm gonna have a heart attack  
  
C.) What is the question?  
  
or D.) You are a jack@$$.  
  
Tidus: Well, I think the answer is D.  
  
Wakka: Final answer?  
  
Tidus: Hmm...  
  
Wakka looks at Tidus evilly.  
  
Tidus: No. My final answer's A.  
  
Wakka: Are you sure, you little hodiggley?  
  
Tidus: No. My final answer's B.  
  
Wakka: Make up your mind, ya bard!  
  
Tidus: Gosh, don't have one of those weird spotted things!  
  
Wakka: A cow.  
  
Tidus: No, it's not a cow...  
  
Wakka: Is B your final answer?  
  
Tidus: No. It's C.  
  
Wakka: Right! Now for the $1,000,000 question. The question is: What is the answer?  
  
A.) B  
  
B.) C  
  
C.) D  
  
D.) E  
  
E.) ???  
  
Tidus: Hmm... I think I'll use a lifeline. I'm gonna phone a friend, Rikku.  
  
A phone ring is heard.  
  
Person on the phone: Hello, thank you for choosing Chunk E. Cheeses. How may I help you?  
  
Tidus: Huh? Wrong number.  
  
Another phone rings.  
  
Person on the phone: Hello, thank you for calling Rin's. How may I help you?  
  
Tidus: *sigh* These kids are so weird these days! Speaking like that. And they probably have spiky hair, an earring in one ear, are wearing a laderhosen, carrying around Blitzballs, hanging out with them crazy summoner ladies, black mages who don't look like mages, guys with strange sticking-up orange hair, people addicted to liquor in pretty bottles, fuzzy blue tall evil things, Yuffie/Kid/Zidane copying thiefs...  
  
Another phone rings.  
  
Person on the phone: Thank you for ordering viagra online! A box of viagra is coming to your house right now.  
  
Wakka: Looks like we'll never reach that Rikku girl... Tidus, you dimwit, just make a choice and don't use a lifeline!  
  
Person on the phone: Wait! Wakka? It's me, Rikku!  
  
Wakka: Huh? You liar! Rikku doesn't sell viagra, she's a sweetie poop!  
  
Rikku: ...It's me, dumb***.  
  
Tidus: I have a question, lady pretending to be a crazy ninja thief!  
  
Tidus reads the question.  
  
Rikku: Hmm... I don't know. I think it's either A, B, C, or D. Can't be E. Nope. E's are evil. Stand for evil.  
  
Wakka: Ehh... Hey, why isn't that foogily timer running out? We've been on the phone for two hours!  
  
Rikku: Dunno. Let's just stay on. Oh no... My boss is coming! And he has a mallet!  
  
In where Rikku is, a sound of screaming is heard, followed by a sound of someone hitting someone else on the head with a mallet and a dial tone. The other line runs dead.  
  
Wakka: I sure hope that strange foogily girl isn't dead.  
  
Tidus: Hmm... Okay, my final answer is B.  
  
Wakka: Why?  
  
Tidus: I like that letter. Besides, the lady pretending to be a crazy ninja thief thought that it was B.  
  
Wakka: And A and C and D.  
  
Tidus: B. B IS MY FINAL ANSWER.  
  
Wakka: Oookay, ya joobyjoob. B is... Correct!  
  
Tidus: Huh? I didn't expect that. All I wanted was to get off this shiggly show.  
  
Wakka: Well, if B is C, and C is D, and D is E, and E is the CORRECT answer, then all answers were correct! Good job, joobyjoob!!!  
  
Tidus: Yay! I'm gonna buy myself a woman and a Pizza Hut!  
  
Akari: Okay, game over. Thanks for playing.  
  
Akari and Ryu dissapear.  
  
Tidus: ... ... ... ... ...That was pointless.  
  
Wakka: ... ... ... ... ...Yeah.  
  
The scene changes to Yuna, Rikku, and Lulu outside someone's house.  
  
Yuna: Hee hee hee...  
Rikku: Yunie, are you sure this is legal?  
  
Lulu: Yeah, I don't wanna get arrested for stalking people AGAIN...  
  
Yuna: Oh, don't worry. This won't take long.  
  
Yuna looks through the window in front of her. Inside the house, Seymour is taking a shower.  
  
Yuna: Dear God... What is he?!  
  
Rikku looks through the window.  
  
Rikku: Hmm... Quite possibly an 'it'.  
  
Lulu: I'm not looking. You can't make me!  
Yuna: Good. This is awful...  
  
Lulu: Hey, what's he doing?  
  
Seymour is coming out of the shower, naked. He puts a towel around his body and walks out of the bathroom.  
  
Yuna: Darn! We have to go to the next window!  
  
Yuna, Rikku, and Lulu sneak around the house to the living room window. Yuna and Rikku look through.  
  
Yuna: ...Eeew!  
  
Lulu: What?  
  
Lulu looks through the window. She sees Seymour dancing to the Final Fantasy X theme, Suteki Da Ne.  
  
Lulu: Eeew!  
  
Rikku: I don't think it's so disgusting.  
  
Lulu and Yuna look at Rikku weird.  
  
Rikku: What?  
  
Lulu: *sigh* Let's get outta here, Yuna.  
  
Yuna: Come on, we have to see this...  
  
Lulu: What's the purpose for it all?  
  
Yuna: Erm... Um... Ehh... I dunno. I just wanna embarass Seymour.  
  
Rikku: He doesn't know we're here.  
  
Yuna: Well, too bad.  
  
Yuna turns back to the window. Now, Seymour is dancing NAKED.  
  
Yuna: Eeew!!!  
  
Lulu: I'm not gonna look.  
  
Rikku: I am.  
  
Rikku looks.  
  
Rikku: Oh, sick... Unfortunately, he can dance VERY well. Oh dear, here comes a leap and a twirl! Noooooooo! He's doing the tango!!!  
  
Yuna: Man... We have to get outta here.  
  
Yuna turns around. Suddenly, Akari and Ryu appear in front of Yuna, causing Yuna to fall back.  
  
Yuna: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Lulu: Shh!  
  
It's too late; Seymour hears Yuna scream and runs up to the window.  
  
Seymour: Ack! What are you doing here?!  
  
Yuna: Nothing... We sure weren't stalking and spying on you...  
  
Lulu: *smacks her own forehead* Yuna!!!  
  
Akari: Ahem... Anyone notice us?  
  
Rikku: Hi. Who are you?  
  
Ryu: We are the infamous fanfiction writers, ~Tifa Lockhart~ and ~Cloud Strife~ AKA Akari and Ryu!!!  
  
Rikku: Oh.  
  
Akari: We're gonna play a game now.  
  
Seymour: A...what?  
  
Akari: A game.  
  
Seymour: Oh.  
  
Ryu: We're gonna have you play the BACHELORS game! But in this case, it's the BACHELORETTES game since Seymour will be interviewing Yuna, Rikku, and Lulu.  
  
Rikku: Oh, @#%$.  
  
Lulu: I agree, @#$%.  
  
Yuna: Yay!!! A game!  
  
Akari: Our bachelorettes will each be given a videogame identity to perform.  
  
Akari hands the girls each a piece of paper. Yuna is Lara Croft from the Tomb Raider games, Rikku is Kid from Chrono Cross, and Lulu is Lucia from Lunar 2: Eternal Blue Complete.  
  
Ryu: Seymour will ask them questions and try to find out who they are. Okay, begin!!  
  
The girls and Seymour sit down.  
  
Seymour: Bachelorette Number One, I like women who are physically strong. How about you?  
  
Yuna: Well, if you didn't notice already, these--  
  
Yuna points to her... Um, chest.  
  
Yuna: --Are built to last.  
  
Seymour: Whatever. Number Two, on our first date, what kind of conversation would you start with me?  
  
Rikku: Hahaha... Mate, are ya leading on to me?  
  
Seymour: Huh?  
  
Rikku: If you are... *pretends to take out a dagger* I'll kick your arse so hard, it'll kiss the moons!  
  
Seymour: *cough* Number Three, what do you like about a man?  
  
Lulu: Well Seymour, Yuna has proved that you're not a man. Besides, I only like those men with green stuff on their faces.  
  
Seymour: ...Number One, where do you spend your time?  
  
Yuna: I like to go into tombs and dig up stuff. You know, raid 'em.  
  
Seymour: Um... Number Two, same question.  
  
Rikku: I like to go to the beach, mate. Reminds me of this one blue-haired arse-head who followed me around and stuff. Man, I loved that KID...  
  
Seymour: Where would you take me on our first date, Number Three?  
  
Lulu: First of all, I'd take you to a non-coed hot tub. Then I'd go into the men's hot tub room NAKED and ask to bathe with you.  
  
Seymour: !!!!!!  
  
Lulu: That's not what the other guy said... Hiro, his name was.  
  
Seymour: Ahem. Number One, what's your favorite food?  
  
Yuna: I don't eat. The fat's bad for my tight butt.  
  
Seymour: Number Two?  
  
Rikku: Oh, I don't eat either. Do you realize that I'm only 16 and weigh EXACTLY 99 POUNDS?!?!?!? That's less than the author, and she's like... 14!  
  
Seymour: Hmm... I ran out of questions.  
  
Lulu: Hey, you didn't ask me what I like to eat. Sugary tea is good, if you were wondering.  
  
Seymour: I thought you were going to tell me that you didn't eat. Like the other two.  
  
Lulu: Well, it's funny. I'm a pig, but I'm also an alien. I'm not from this world.  
  
Seymour: Eeew... I pick Bachelorette Number Two. One keeps pointing to her 'jugs' and Three is just messed up somewhere in the head.  
  
Akari: Oookay. Who do you think they are?  
  
Seymour: Um... Number One is Chun~Li from the Street Fighters, Two is the author, and Three is Celvice from Zone Of The Enders?  
  
Akari: !!!... All wrong!  
  
Yuna: Why did you think I was Chun~Li? Her breasts are perfectly normal. I was in fact, Lara Croft.  
  
Seymour: Lara's breasts aren't big.  
  
Yuna: Yeah.  
  
Seymour: Oh. Maybe my nude code makes them appear smaller...  
  
Rikku: Ahem. I was Kid from Chrono Cross.  
  
Akari: Why the @#$% did you think Rikku was me?!  
  
Seymour: Well, cause she was talking about me leading on to her...  
  
Akari: !!!  
  
Seymour: ...And about some blue-haired 'arse'-head, who may be me...  
  
Akari: ...  
  
Seymour: ...And the reference to you when talking about how much she weighed...  
Akari: ???  
  
Seymour: Oh, I mean, how would Rikku know how much you weighed?  
  
Akari: Well, first of all, she doesn't. I'm not even 14.  
  
Seymour: Oh...  
  
Akari: Moving on.  
  
Lulu: CELVICE??? WHY THE HELL???  
  
Seymour: Sorry, I didn't have much time to think it over.  
  
Lulu: Celvice acts nothing like what I was! I'm Lucia from L2:EBC.  
  
Seymour: Oh, so that's what the hot tub business was about!  
  
Lulu: Well, I guess Celvice would fit the hot tub bit...  
  
Akari: Hey, I love Celvice!  
  
Lulu: Sorry.  
  
Akari: Lulu, you used to be my favorite character and suddenly you hate Celvice!  
  
Akari looks at Lulu with evil eyes.  
  
Ryu: Oookay. Let's get to a commercial.  
  
^^^COMMERCIAL^^^  
  
Anouncer: ribbit Welcome to a new commercial!! ribbit You may be wondering why I'm ribbiting. ribbit Well, I was Cid Fabool in the FFIX commercial... ribbit But right now, I'm Frog from Chrono Trigger. ribbit  
  
The Chrono Trigger team appears. They are unfortunately going crazy.  
  
Anouncer: ribbit What the ribbit !!!  
  
Crono seems to be poking people with his hair... Lucca is trying to shoot everyone... Marle is slapping everyone... Ayla is using her club to hit Marle and calm her down... Robo is trying to avoid the hair, bullets, and hands... And Frog is staring the anouncer straight in the face.  
  
Anouncer: ribbit This was the worst idea... ribbit  
  
Frog: ...You copied my face! ribbit  
  
Frog tackles the anouncer.  
  
Anouncer: Can't...breathe...Get...the...frog...off...me... *faints*  
  
^^^END OF COMMERCIAL, thank God.^^^  
  
Akari and Ryu are in Kimahri's house.  
  
Akari: ...Why the @#$% are we here?  
  
Ryu: *shrugs* Dunno.  
  
Akari: Well, we might as well find Kimahri and play a game.  
  
Akari looks around. She notices a room marked "Do not enter" and goes inside.  
  
Akari: ...AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
In the room, Kimahri is naked in a hot tub. Dona and Shelinda are inside as well. Ryu walks into the room.  
  
Ryu: ...DEAR GOD!!!!!!  
  
Kimahri: It's not what it looks like!!! I mean... Kimahri confused.  
  
Akari: Kimahri, get those women out of the hot tub.  
  
Kimahri: I don't wanna! I mean... Kimahri say no!  
  
Akari: *sigh*  
  
Akari zaps Dona and Shelinda away.  
  
Akari: Now we're gonna play a game.  
  
Ryu: Yep, the UNLIKELY SUPERHEROES game!  
  
Kimahri: Oh, @#$%. I mean... Kimahri not like game.  
  
Akari: Do you actually have good grammar?!  
  
Kimahri: Yes, of course. I mean... Kimahri say no.  
  
Akari: Oh, whatever.  
  
Akari zaps Auron, Tidus, and Wakka into the room.  
  
Tidus: What are we doing here?  
  
Auron: And why is Kimahri naked?  
  
Akari: All will not be explained. Now let's play the UNLIKELY SUPERHEROES game.  
  
Ryu: We need the audience to choose Kimahri's identity...  
  
Random audience members: Fuzzy Surfer Dude! Captain Cheese-Burglar! Crazy Taxi Man!  
  
Akari: Ech... I choose Captain Cheese-Burglar. Kimahri will start off with a problem...  
  
Random audience members: World has run out of cheese! Can't find cheese to steal! Evil guy named Dr. Eggs is robbing world of cheese!  
  
Akari: That last one's good. And just for fun, instead of Auron being a superhero out to help Captain Cheese-Burglar, he will be Dr. Eggs.  
  
Auron: Oh, man...  
  
Kimahri: Hey, can I use good grammar?  
  
Akari: Whatever. Kay, start!  
  
Kimahri walks onstage.  
  
Kimahri: Now, to steal some good cheese... Golly gosh, all the cheese in the world has been stolen by Dr. Eggs!  
  
Tidus walks onstage.  
  
Kimahri: Looks like I need help from... Hyper Caffeine Man!  
  
Tidus starts running around in circles.  
  
Tidus: Gimme coffee!! Must have coffee!  
  
Tidus starts laughing maniacly.  
  
Kimahri: Hmm... Hyper Caffeine Man isn't gonna help me.  
  
Wakka comes onstage.  
  
Tidus: Hee hee hee! It's My-Pants-Are-On-Fire Man!!  
  
Wakka stops, drops, and rolls.  
  
Wakka: Eeek, my @$$ is on fire!  
  
Tidus: I said pants.  
  
Wakka: Well, if your pants are on fire, wouldn't they burn through to your @$$?  
  
Tidus: Hmm... You have a point.  
  
Suddenly, Kimahri screams.  
  
Kimahri: It's Dr. Eggs!!  
  
Auron comes onstage.  
  
Auron: Mwuahahaha... In the name of the Eggs, I shall dominate all the cheese in the world!!!  
  
Kimahri: Oh no!  
  
Tidus: Don't worry, I'll give him some caffeine!  
  
Tidus pours imaginary caffeine onto Auron's face.  
  
Auron: Hahaha! I am almost invincible! Being drunk will not hurt me!  
  
Wakka: Then... I'll set you on fire!  
  
Wakka sets Auron on fire using his pants.  
  
Auron: Nooooooooooooooo.... I'm melting!!!!  
  
Auron runs offstage.  
  
Tidus: Tee hee, the problem is solved!  
  
Tidus runs around in circle exactly 42 times, then runs offstage.  
  
Wakka: I better go get a hose.  
  
Wakka runs offstage, clutching his butt.  
  
Kimahri: Mmm, cheese...  
  
Akari: Okay, that's the game for you!  
  
Ryu: We have to go now.  
  
Akari and Ryu dissapear in a stardust.  
  
Tidus: ...I don't think they like us.  
  
Tidus starts crying.  
  
Auron: *sigh* ...  
  
The next scene is with Dona and Isaruu in the Besaid Temple. Akari and Ryu appear.  
  
Akari: Hewo!  
  
Dona: Eeek! *falls over*  
  
Akari: Sorry.  
  
Dona: Who are you?!  
  
Akari: The infamous ~Tifa Lockhart~ AKA Akari. Geez, no one reads fanfictions these days...  
  
Dona: Well, Isaruu and I were just praying. So excuse us.  
  
Akari: We're gonna play a game!  
  
Dona: Didn't I just tell you to leave?  
  
Akari: Hmm... *reads fanfiction over again* Nope.  
  
Dona: *sigh* Just go.  
  
Akari: No! We're gonna play the SCENES FROM A HAT game!  
  
Ryu: In this one, you and Isaruu will be acting out a scene. When Aki calls out a movie style that random audience members wrote down earlier, you will perform the scene in that style.  
  
Akari: We need one more player...  
  
Akari zaps in Barthello, Dona's guardian.  
  
Barthello: *wearing only a towel* Huh? Where am I? Wasn't I just...  
  
Ryu: Yeeeees, yooooou weeeeeere... I aaaaam iiiiin yoooooour dreeeeeams... Yooooou aaaaare beeeeeing hypnoooootized...  
  
Akari: Ryu!!!  
  
Ryu: Just kidding. Look, we're gonna play the SCENES FROM A HAT game.  
  
Barthello: Oh, I love that game!  
  
Ryu: Ehh... Anyways, the scene is: Isaruu and Dona are getting married when Barthello, Dona's old boyfriend, runs in and tries to stop the wedding.  
  
Dona: Oh dear lord...  
  
Ryu: Hee hee hee... Start!  
  
Someone backstage: You may now kiss the bride.  
  
Isaruu is about to kiss Dona--who is ready to hit him in the face--when Barthello runs into the room.  
  
Barthello: No, you can't marry him!  
  
Akari: SOUTH PARK!!!  
  
Dona: Why the @#$% not?  
  
Barthello: Cause I love you, ya @#$%^.  
  
Audience: Aww...  
  
Isaruu: Stay away from my woman, @#$%!!!  
  
Isaruu and Barthello start to fight.  
  
Dona: Oh my God, you killed Kenny!!!!!!!! I mean... Isaruu.  
  
Akari: FINAL FANTASY: THE SPIRITS WITHIN!!!  
  
Dona, Barthello, and Isaruu: Huh?  
  
Akari: *sigh* You know, sci-fi...  
  
Dona: I just made a discovery about the eighth spirit...  
  
Isaruu: The spirit of marriage?!  
  
Dona: Precise. Hey, why's he sleeping?  
  
Barthello: *wakes up* AAAAAHHHH!  
  
Isaruu: You okay?  
  
Barthello: I had a dream that... Aliens were taking over...  
Akari: BEAUTY AND THE BEAST!!!  
  
Dona and Isaruu start to dance.  
  
Barthello: Tale as old as time... Hey, gimme back my girlfriend!!!  
  
Isaruu: No, I need her to turn back into a prince before the petals fall off the rose!  
Akari: JERRY SPRINGER!!!  
  
Dona: You were using me?!  
  
Isaruu: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!  
  
Barthello: Today's episode: "Give me back my @#$%ing sci-fi beauty!  
  
Akari: Huh?  
  
Ryu: Hmm... Let's stop. This is getting confusing.  
  
Dona: Can I go back to praying now?  
  
Akari: Whatever.  
  
Akari zaps Isaruu and Barthello back to wherever Barthello came from.  
  
Dona: ...Where's Isaruu?  
  
Akari: Oops...  
Akari and Ryu dissapear.  
  
Dona: Oh, @#$%!!!  
  
Akari and Ryu appear on the Who's Line? set, where everyone who played their games is gathered.  
  
Akari: Thanks for reading!!! For our final game, we'll have Auron, Tidus and Lulu read the credits as if they're on Jerry Springer. But of course, since this is Jerry Springer, jealous lovers may come in at any time. Begin!!  
  
Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!  
  
Auron: Today on Jerry Springer... You slept with my co-author!  
  
Akari: What are you talking about!? *sigh* Move on...  
  
Auron: Our guest today is Tidus...  
  
Tidus comes onstage.  
  
Auron: So, what is the problem?  
  
Tidus: My woman's in love with someone else!  
  
Auron: So, today's real topic is... My woman's in love with someone else!  
  
Lulu comes onstage.  
  
Audience: Boooooooooooo!!!!!!  
  
Lulu: You're all just jealous of these! *points to her... erm...*  
  
Auron: Who are you in love with, Lulu?  
  
Lulu: Well, it sure ain't him. *points to Tidus* That's Yuna's job.  
  
The camera closes in on Yuna.  
  
Yuna: What?  
  
Lulu: I'm in love with... Wakka!  
Auron: Bring Wakka in!  
  
Wakka comes onstage.  
  
Wakka: I'm glad to be here. I'd like to thank Seymour for marrying the summoner who was trying to kill him, Barthello for being in love with Auron, and Shelinda for no particular reason at all...  
  
Auron: Huh? You're on the Jerry Springer show.  
  
Wakka: Ehh? I thought this was Wheel of Fortune!!!  
  
Auron: It appears Lulu's in love with you.  
  
Wakka: Oh... Dammit!  
  
Lulu: What?  
  
Wakka: I love someone else.  
  
Lulu: @#$%!!!!!!!!!! *tackles Wakka*  
  
Auron: Erm... Bring Wakka's lover in!  
  
Rikku comes onstage.  
  
Rikku: Hey, aren't I a little too young to be here?...  
  
Auron: Are you in love with Wakka?  
  
Rikku: No! He hates Al Bhed!  
  
Wakka: You're Al Bhed?!  
  
Rikku: *points to her eyes* Duh.  
  
Wakka: I thought those were your weird contacts!  
  
Rikku: *shakes head* No.  
  
Wakka: Well, don't you still love me?  
  
Rikku: I love someone else.  
  
Kimahri comes onstage.  
  
Kimahri: Where Shelinda? Where Dona? They like fuzzy people in hot tub.  
  
Rikku: So do I.  
  
Kimahri: Oh, Al Bhed girl. I put you in phone book.  
  
Kimahri takes out a phone book labeled "Chicks for Kimahri" and writes down the number to the Viagra company.  
  
Rikku: Noooooooooo!!!!!! You don't love me!!!  
  
Kimahri: Right. I love Isaruu.  
  
Rikku: !!!  
  
Kimahri: Oh, and Seymour. He hot.  
  
Rikku: *sigh*  
  
Tidus: Hey Auron? ...I mean, Jerry? Weren't we just talking about me and Lulu?  
  
Auron: Wait, this is getting interesting...  
  
Tidus: *sigh* Lulu, I have something to say...  
  
Lulu: *stops tackling Wakka* What?  
  
Tidus: Will you marry me?  
  
Lulu: Oh, sure. I'm an expert at that kind of stuff.  
  
Auron: I know a good priest. Ryu. And Akari's really good at throwing things.  
  
Akari: Dear God, Auron...  
  
Akari throws a grenade at Auron.  
  
Akari: That's it for this episode, folks! Which videogame would you like to see being spoofed next? Just review this and tell me in your review, and I'll try to make a Who's Line? episode for it! Till next time (maybe)!!!  
  
~*~  
  
Please review!! And if you'd like to see a particular Squaresoft game spoofed as a Who's Line? episode, please tell me in your review. If no one asks me to do one, #_# then I'll just do Chrono Trigger followed by Chrono Cross. Bye!!! 


	5. Chrono Trigger

Welcome to Whose Line is it, Anyway? Chrono Trigger version! This was requested by Brad. Thank you for requesting!!! Last time I played Chrono Trigger was a really long time ago, so I might have something wrong. And I didn't beat the game either, so I'm really confused about all that Schala, Magus, Janus, Lavos stuff... All that. Despite that, enjoy! BTW, I know Crono doesn't talk and I made him talk in this fanfic. But if he didn't talk, then why the hell would he be in the fic? Oh, and I never got to Ayla in the game, so I'm not sure if she has bad grammar or not. I'm making her have good grammar, though.  
  
TO : I'm sorry, but I've never played Legend of Dragoon. But if I can get out and rent a copy and play long enough to realize the characters, I'll DEFINETILY do a spoof for you! Even if it is in a few months. Thanks for requesting, though.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Chrono Trigger... I do own Chrono Cross though. *gets beaten up* ...Geez. Hey, didn't I tell you to skip the disclaimers?! Go! Scroll down right now and never read a disclaimer again!  
  
  
  
EPISODE 5: CHRONO TRIGGER  
  
Akari is shown on the screen (yet again), this time in a strange room.  
  
Akari: Hello and welcome to Chrono Trigger world!!!  
  
Ryu appears.  
  
Ryu: Hmm... Isn't this Crono's room? Where is Crono?  
  
Some muffling is heard from under Crono's bed.  
  
Ryu: Akari... What did you do?  
  
Akari: *sweatdrop* I don't know what you're talking about.  
  
Ryu: Did you tie up Crono and put him under the bed?  
  
Akari: No! How dare you acuse me of such a thing?!  
  
Ryu looks under the bed. Crono is laying there, tied up in bandages. His eyes are really wide and he's sweating.  
  
Ryu: Aki!!! Why did you do this?!  
  
Akari: Look, he wouldn't talk. I told him about this thing we were doing with the Whose Line? parodies and Crono didn't say anything. So then I told him he'd have to talk on the show and he still didn't answer, and look where this has led me...  
  
Ryu: *sigh* Let's get him outta these...  
  
Ryu unties Crono.  
  
Crono: Thank God!  
  
Akari: He...talks?  
  
Crono: *looks at Akari* You! You're the Devil!  
  
Akari: Who, me? *angelic Anime smile*  
  
Crono: ...Stay away from me!  
  
Crono hides.  
  
Akari: *sigh* This job is so hard sometimes...  
  
Ryu: You don't have to do this.  
  
Akari: I don't?!  
  
Ryu: No. Fanfic writing isn't a career.  
  
Akari: Then why am I getting payed?...  
  
Ryu: Um... That's not real money.  
  
Akari stares at the weird shreds of paper in her hand.  
  
Akari: Why me?!?!?!...  
  
Ryu: Come on... We have to find some CT people and force them to play cheesy games.  
  
Ryu and Akari dissapear in a cloud of red.  
  
Crono: Which @#$%ing dimension were they from?  
  
With Marle, Lucca, and Ayla... (Don't worry, no usage of porn this time. Maybe.)  
  
The three girls have their back to you. They seem to be wearing robes and giant things on their heads...  
  
Marle: Thank goodness the boys don't see us like this...  
  
Akari and Ryu appear.  
  
Lucca: AAAAHHHH!!!!  
  
Ayla: It's a guy! Let's get outta here!!!  
  
Akari: Oh, him?  
  
Akari kicks Ryu, which causes him to go sprawling out the door. Akari locks the door.  
  
Marle: Phew... Hey, who are you?  
  
Akari: I am the infamous fanfiction writer ~Tifa Lockhart~ AKA Akari!!!  
  
Ayla: ???  
  
Lucca: ???  
  
Marle: ???  
  
Akari: ???  
  
Marle: Hey, why'd you say ??? ?  
  
Akari: Sorry, it's a habit. I even did that in Christmas Chaos!. Anyways, what are you doing?  
  
Lucca: Can't you tell?  
  
Akari looks over the girls and realizes they're wearing robes, turbans, and face masks.  
  
Akari: Dear @#$%ing...  
  
Ayla: It nourishes your skin. *Anime smile*  
  
Akari: Yeccch... Hmm, wanna play a game?  
  
Marle: ?  
  
Akari: We're in the Whose Line? FF version fanfic.  
  
Lucca: *freaks out* Looking like thish?!  
  
Akari: Yep. *smiley*  
  
Marle: ...AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!  
  
Akari: Ahem. Just play the game.  
  
Ayla: Which game?  
  
Akari: The infamous never-before-played THREE HEADED BROADWAY STAR game!! In this, you will be a three headed broadway star hence the name. You'll sing a song to an audience member one word at a time, taking turns.  
  
Marle: Oh, @#$%.  
  
Ayla: Yeah, @#$%.  
  
Lucca: Yay, I love thish game! Can I chooshe the member?  
  
Akari: Are you drunk on sake? Cause the last three times...  
  
Lucca is already in the audience, choosing a member. She comes down with...  
  
Marle: *sigh* What are you doing here, Robo?  
  
Robo: *shrugs* I just appeared here a moment ago.  
  
Akari: Great, let's get on to the game. Now we need the audience to complete this sentence: Your ____ is so shiny.  
  
Random audience members: Foot! Ear! Nose!  
  
Akari: Sheesh... You people are losing your touch. Anyways, let's try ear.  
  
Robo goes onstage and sits down. The girls surround him.  
  
Akari: We have music provided by Selphie Tillmitt and Julia Heartilly.  
  
Selphie and Julia wave. They then stick their tongues out at the screen.  
  
Selphie: Irvine, if you're watching this, then--  
  
Akari: Okay, that's enough, Selphie! Let's get on.  
  
Julia: And Caraway, I'm gonna--  
  
Akari: AHEM, I said let's get on!  
  
After being bribed and being given inedible chunks known to them as 'cookies', Julia and Selphie start playing their piano and guitar.  
  
Marle: Your  
  
Lucca: ear  
  
Ayla: is  
  
Marle: so  
  
Lucca: shiny!  
  
Ayla: I  
  
Marle: love  
  
Lucca: the  
  
Ayla: way  
  
Marle: it  
  
Lucca: um... shmells (smells; ya know Lucca's drunk).  
  
Ayla: It  
  
Marle: also  
  
Lucca: tashtes  
  
Ayla: delicious.  
  
Marle: I  
  
Lucca: like  
  
Ayla: to  
  
Marle: eat  
  
Lucca: it  
  
Ayla: too.  
  
Marle: My  
  
Lucca: favorite  
  
Ayla: part  
  
Marle: is  
  
Lucca: the  
  
Ayla: ...cartilage!  
  
Marle: Since  
  
Lucca: when  
  
Ayla: was  
  
Marle: this  
  
Lucca: song  
  
Ayla: about  
  
Marle: cannibalism?  
  
Lucca: Oh  
  
Ayla: well,  
  
Marle: let's  
  
Lucca: sing  
  
Ayla: it  
  
Marle: again!!!  
  
The song abruptly ends.  
  
Akari: Dear lord! Ayla!!!  
  
Ayla: What?  
  
Akari: You just had to say 'cartilage'.  
  
Ayla: Mmmm... Cartilage... *inspects Akari's new earring, pierced at her cartilage*  
  
Akari: Eeeek! Get her away from me!!!  
  
Akari dissapears in a purple glimmer.  
  
Ryu: I better go too...  
  
Ayla, realizing that Akari is gone, starts nearing up on Ryu.  
  
Ryu: Aki, help!! *dissapers in a red flash*  
  
Marle: Lucca... We have to get out of here...  
  
Robo: Thank lord I don't have real ears.  
  
Ahem... Next scene. We see Frog and Robo at... Funcoland? (Akari is losing her imagination.)  
  
Frog: Oooooh, they have a copy of Xenogears for only $45.95!!! (They do at Akari's local Funcoland. No, really.)  
  
Robo: And... EEEEEEK!!!!! They still have Final Fantasy VII merchandise!!! Here's the OST!!! (I wish.)  
  
Frog: Omigosh, lemme see!!!!  
  
Akari and Ryu appear.  
  
Ryu: ...Why are we in Funcoland?  
  
Akari: *whispering to Ryu* For the money they're paying us to advertise.  
  
Ryu: Oh. How cheap of you.  
  
Akari: *Anime-smile*  
  
Frog: *realizing that Akari and Ryu are standing there* Whoa...  
  
Robo: *realizing that too* Holy @#$%...  
  
Frog: Not only do they have Final Fantasy VII merchandise, they hired Tifa and Cloud!!! ...Except those weird capes.  
  
Akari: *confused* Huh???  
  
Ryu: They mean that we look like Tifa and Cloud. Except these cheesy outfits.  
  
Akari: Close. We are the infamous ~Tifa Lockhart~ and ~Cloud Strife~!!!  
  
Robo: Erm... All you did was add the word 'Star' to the end of their names and add the last names.  
  
Akari: ...Nice to meet you too. ~Cloud~ and I are AKA Ryu and Akari Raye.  
  
Frog: So you're not Cloud and Tifa?...  
  
Ryu: No. Just cheap resemblances.  
  
Frog: *goes back to looking at crap*  
  
Akari: Hey, don't ignore us! We are here to force you into my Whose Line? fanfiction!!  
  
Robo: *sigh* Not again...  
  
Akari: Eh??  
  
Robo: Someone was here already, asking us to do weird things.  
  
Akari: Well, you're gonna play my games anyways.  
  
Ryu: We're gonna play the never-before-played GAME WITHOUT A TITLE IN THIS FANFICTION BECAUSE AKARI HASN'T WATCHED WHOSE LINE IS IT, ANYWAY? FOR THE LAST FOURTEEN DAYS AND HAS MISSED THE NAME TO THIS GAME BECAUSE SHE HAS INSTEAD TRIED TO DEFEAT FINAL FANTASY IX BUT COULDN'T AND STARTED CURSING AT NECRON!!!  
  
Akari: Um... Let's call that game 'GWATITFBAHWWLIIAFTLFDAHMTNTTGBSHITTDFFIXBCASCAN' for short.  
  
Ryu: Good idea. Anyways, the description to this game is... Akari has violently threatened the audience before the show to give her some suggestions of things they want to see Frog and Robo act out. So after pleading and more violence, the audience has places some cheap post-it notes in this hat. And Akari will now pick some out and force Frog and Robo to act them out.  
  
Akari: ...Exactly! I couldn't have described it better. Let's start playing 'GWATITFBAHWWLIIAFTLFDAHMTNTTGBSHITTDFFIXBCASCAN'!!! *pulls a piece of paper from the hat* 'TV shows you never want to see'.  
  
Frog: Hello, and welcome to a very special episode of 'Whose Line is it, Anyway? FF Edition: The TV show!!!'  
  
Akari: *sigh...* Are you making fun of me? ...Move on.  
  
Robo: Tonight, on Channel 147852369147852369... 'Boot Camp: Final Fantasy X Version'.  
  
Akari: I don't know Robo, I'd actually like to see that. I'll have to make a fanfic on that. *pulls out another post-it note* 'People you will never find at a strip club'.  
  
Frog: Akari!  
  
Akari: ...I've been to plenty of strip clubs.  
  
Robo: Ryu.  
  
Akari: Let's be more original.  
  
Frog: Aeris Gainsborough.  
  
Akari: I said people you WOULDN'T see. *pulls out another post-it note* 'Cid Highwind's favorite passtime'.  
  
Frog: Pornography.  
  
Robo: Drinking.  
  
Frog: Illegal drugs.  
  
Robo: Swearing.  
  
Akari: Okay, okay! Enough!!! *pulls out another post-it note* 'Reasons why Crono doesn't talk'.  
  
Frog: Smoked too much.  
  
Robo: Can talk fine, but secretly hates everyone.  
  
Frog: Got beaten in the throat by Marle after cheating on her with Lucca!  
  
Akari: No, you shouldn't be saying the truth, Frog!!! Let's end the game.  
  
Akari and Ryu dissapear in a silver streak.  
  
^^^COMMERCIAL^^^  
  
Anouncer: If you have defeated all the Final Fantasies plus Chrono Trigger and are seeking for a harder RPG, then try... Pokemon!!! Just kidding. Try Chrono Cross! Let's see what people have to say about this revolution!  
  
Camera shifts to a studio where a man is sitting in front of a PSX, playing Chrono Cross.  
  
Anouncer: What do you think of this game?  
  
Man: What's up with this @#$%ing battle system?!  
  
Anouncer: Um... Let's ask someone else.  
  
The camera shifts to someone next to the guy, also playing CC on a PSX.  
  
Anouncer: What do you think of Chrono Cross?  
  
Man: Where are all the characters?!  
  
Anouncer: There are about 40.  
  
Man: And the best developed one happens to be Mojo!!!  
  
Anouncer: Ahem...  
  
The camera goes to the last person in the studio, also playing CC.  
  
Anouncer: What do you think?  
  
Man: What is the storyline exactly? There are two options.  
  
Anouncer: Well, it's--  
  
Man: Even if you choose to have Glenn instead of Kid, you read Schala's book anyway! This sucks!!!  
  
Anouncer: *sigh* Um, kids, just buy Chrono Cross. It's better than Kingdom Hearts.  
  
Suddenly, Mr. T comes and beats up the anouncer.  
  
Mr. T: Yo foo, you're nuts! Kingdom Hearts'll save ya a buck or two!  
  
Anouncer: ...Ow...  
  
^^^END OF COMMERCIAL^^^  
  
  
  
Akari and Ryu are in Guardia Castle.  
  
Akari: We're back with the semi-final game!!!  
  
Ryu: And it is the UNLIKELY SUPERHEROES game!!  
  
Akari: Let's go find Marle, Lucca, Crono, and Frog and torture them--I mean, play the game.  
  
Akari and Ryu head off, wandering through the castle and looking for the four main CT characters. They don't go far when they're stopped by a guard.  
  
Guard: Who do you think you are?  
  
Akari: I gotta go see the Queen.  
  
Guard: She and her friends are having a tea party! You may not enter this room!  
  
Akari: A... tea party?  
  
Guard: Leave at once!  
  
Akari takes out a wand and zaps it at the guard. He freezes into a block of ice. Akari and Ryu walk into the room. Marle, Lucca, Crono, and Frog are on the floor, drinking tea.  
  
Marle: Oh, you again. What do you want?  
  
Akari: We're gonna play a game.  
  
Lucca: We already did.  
  
Ryu: But Crono never got to play one.  
  
Frog: *whispering to Crono* Run away while you have the chance...  
  
Akari: I heard that. Okay, let's play the UNLIKELY SUPERHEROES game!  
  
Ryu: We need a suggestion from the audience to who Crono should be...  
  
Marle: ...Audience?! I thought we were in Guardia Castle.  
  
Akari: Deja vu... *faints*  
  
Ryu: Oh, look what you did. Now Akari's out cold and I can't revive her! I don't posess Sorcery!  
  
Marle: Who cares? Just throw her on the rug over there.  
  
Ryu puts Akari on the rug in the corner.  
  
Marle: Now what's about this audience?  
  
Ryu: Well, we are in Guardia Castle but there's an audience outside and they can see what you're doing.  
  
Marle: *smacks own forehead* So they saw what I was doing for the last hour?  
  
Ryu: Even longer. *smiles Animey*  
  
Marle: *whispering to herself* Oh, @#$%... They saw that little incident between me and Crono...  
  
Ryu: Now we need a suggestion for the superhero that Crono's gonna be.  
  
Random audience members: Dr. Hair Gel! Captain Hair Gel! Hair Gel Man!  
  
Ryu: Captain Hair Gel it is. Listen Crono, you'll have to talk for this game.  
  
Crono: *nods*  
  
Ryu: Oookay. Now we need a problem for Captain Hair Gel.  
  
Random audience members: Can't find hair gel! Ran out of hair gel! All hair gel in the world is gone!  
  
Ryu: Okay, ran out of hair gel. Begin!!  
  
Crono walks on the 'stage'.  
  
Crono: And now, to get some hair gel and spruce up my nice hair... Holy Tigi, I've run out of hair gel!  
  
Marle runs onstage.  
  
Marle: What's that? You ran out of hair gel?  
  
Crono: That's right, Princess Pornography Model!  
  
Marle starts walking across the stage in a very 'stylish' way, showing off her body.  
  
Marle: Sorry, I can't help you. All I know how to do is shake my body.  
  
Lucca walks onstage.  
  
Marle: Maybe Commander Hyperosity over here can help you!  
  
Lucca spins around in a circle and smiles cheesily--in other words, does Yuffie's end-of-battle pose.  
  
Lucca: Do you have any coffee?  
  
Crono: No. You know where I can get hair gel?  
  
Lucca: *shakes head* Must...have...coffee...GIMMECOFFEE!!!!!!  
  
While Marle walks around the stage touching her body and Lucca spins and runs around, Frog walks on.  
  
Lucca: Do you have coffee, Digest-Anything Man? Do ya, do ya, do ya?  
  
Frog: Nope. All I have is this bottle of hair gel that I'm about to sit down and eat.  
  
Crono: Nooooooooo! I need hair gel!!  
  
Frog: I'm really hungry. If you let me eat something else, I'll give you the gel.  
  
Crono hands Frog his katana.  
  
Frog: Mmm! *eats the katana whole*  
  
Crono: Finally, I can style my hair!! *squishes the whole bottle of hair gel onto his hair*  
  
Ryu: Good, end the game!!  
  
Akari suddenly wakes up.  
  
Akari: Wha?... I missed the game?!  
  
Ryu: Yep. Too bad.  
  
Akari: At least I can see the credits.  
  
Akari and Ryu transport to the set of Whose Line? where the CT team is gathered.  
  
Crono: Huh? Weren't Lucca, Marle, Frog, and I just in Guardia Castle?...  
  
Akari: Whatever. Let's see Ayla and Robo do the credits as two lovers screaming at each other!!  
  
Ayla: *sigh*  
  
Robo: Yay!!!  
  
Akari: Start!  
  
Ayla and Robo walk onstage.  
  
Ayla: I'm tired of you cheating on me with Marle, Robo! I'm gonna go off and marry Frog!  
  
Robo: Why Frog? Weren't you involved with Lucca?  
  
Ayla: How dare you!!!  
  
Robo: Well, you were!  
  
Ayla: Hmph. At least Crono's hotter than you.  
  
Robo: Look Ayla, I'm tired of you! I'm gonna go spend the night with Akari!  
  
Ayla: Don't bother, I'll go to Ryu's house!  
  
Robo: How can you? They live in the same house!  
  
Akari: That was probably the worst set of credits ever. This game has hardly any party members. Anyways to you loyal readers, stay tuned for the Chrono Cross edition of Whose Line!!! Bye!!!  
  
~*~*~  
  
The Chrono Cross edition will be the next chapter and the final one of this fanfic. So read it and please review!!! 


	6. Chrono Cross

Welcome to the final episode of this fanfic!!! I'm sorry it's been a while, but here it is. Thank you to all who read and reviewed. On to the CC episode!!  
  
One more thing; I'm really sorry, but I never really got a chance to play Chrono Cross. I'm confused of this game too and don't know any characters except Kid, Serge, Harlequin, Lynx, Leena, Pierre, Karsh, Glenn, Dario, Nikki, Una, Miki, Riddel, Korcha, Viper, Solt, Peppor, Ketchop, and Mojo. And that's not a lot. So I'm just using a few of these people and/or hay structures in the episode. And since it's VERY hard to imitate an Australian accent when you're not Australian, Kid won't be using her accent the whole time. Sorry once again.  
  
To u dont need 2 know; Wakka kinda lost his accent since I forgot about it. It's in there now, so check back if you're really willing to go through the torture of reading Episode 4 all over again. I made a few minor changes, too. Like Kimahri is now speaking in bad grammar the WHOLE time.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Square, kay? Quit reading these.  
  
  
  
EPISODE 6: CHRONO CROSS  
  
The scene begins at Opassa Beach. Akari is swimming in the ocean.  
  
Akari: Thank lord no one sees me.  
  
By the shore, hiding in the reefs, are Leena and Kid.  
  
Leena: Hee hee...  
  
Kid: Ha ha ha...  
  
Leena: Hee hee...  
  
Kid: Ha ha ha...  
  
Leena: Hee hee...  
  
Kid: Let's cut that out.  
  
Leena: Kay.  
  
Kid: Hey, who is that girl, anyway? She's arse-naked.  
  
Leena: *shrugs*  
  
Akari suddenly turns around in the water.  
  
Akari: Hey, I hear something...  
  
Akari looks over at the reefs. She spots Kid and Leena.  
  
Akari: ...You perverts!!!  
  
Akari runs out of the water and starts chasing Leena and Kid around the sand.  
  
Kid: Heeeeeeeeeeeeelp!!  
  
Leena: Heeeeeeeeeeeeelp!!!  
  
Somewhere by the beach...  
  
Harlequin: Hmm? What eez zat noize?  
  
Harlequin walks over to the beach and notices Kid and Leena being chased.  
  
Harlequin: Do not fear! I shall save you from zees awful monster!  
  
Akari: *stops chasing Kid and Leena* ...Who are you calling a monster?!  
  
Harlequin: You.  
  
Akari: Hmph. Now, you shall suffer the ultimate consequences, Harlequin!!  
  
Harlequin: How do you know my name?  
  
Akari: Hmm... *shrugs* You will be known as Harle for the rest of the fanfic!!  
  
Harle: Aw, man. That eez my punishment?  
  
Akari: Yep.  
  
Harle: *sigh* I have to go now.  
  
Akari: Not so fast!! You're also gonna have to play the BACHELORETTES game!! Yes, again.  
  
Kid: Oh, @#$%.  
  
Leena: Yeah, I agree.  
  
Harle: Right.  
  
Akari: That's weird. Most times, one of the girls is excited about the game. She's usually drunk.  
  
Harle: Well, Chrono Cross eez different.  
  
Akari: Hmm... Are any of you drunk?  
  
Kid: No.  
  
Akari: Say the word 'silly'.  
  
Kid: Silly.  
  
Leena: Silly.  
  
Harle: Silly.  
  
Akari: Good. Now we need a guy.  
  
Akari zaps in Pierre.  
  
Pierre: What am I doing?  
  
Akari: You're gonna play the BACHELORETTES game.  
  
Pierre: Oooh, yay! *shows off his make-up*  
  
Akari: No, you're gonna be the person who is looking for a bachelorette.  
  
Pierre: Oh, shiznits.  
  
Akari: Now, I'll give each of the girls a paper and they'll have to act as the videogame character on it.  
  
Akari hands each girl a post-it note. Kid is Serge from CC, Leena is Solid Snake from Metal Gear Solid (2), and Harle is Sailor Moon from the Anime show.  
  
Akari: Okay, start!  
  
Everyone walks onstage.  
  
Pierre: Helloo, bachelorettesh!! Nombre un, what ish your preffered shtyle of clothing and hair?  
  
Kid: Mmmph. Mmmph!! *points to clothes and hair*  
  
Pierre: Alrighty... Nombre deux, what ish your favorite clothing and hairshtyle?  
  
Leena: The mullet. So great looking with a bandana. And I usually wear some blue hybrid stuff, or submarine clothing.  
  
Pierre: Hmm. Nombre troish, what is your clothesh and hairshtyle?  
  
Harle: Nice little sakura buns with ponytails flowing out and a tight balerina dress.  
  
Pierre: Ehhh... Get away from me... Bachelorette nombre un, what do you like to do in your shpare time?  
  
Kid: Mmph!!! Mmph!!!  
  
Pierre: I think I'll ignore thish one. Nombre deux, how about you?  
  
Leena: Smoke a little, maybe look at some of the posters of women in bikinis that they hang in locker rooms.  
  
Pierre: Ahem. Nombre troish?  
  
Harle: I like to save zee world! In the name of the Moon, I shall punish everybody!!  
  
Pierre: Oookay... What'sh your favorite food, nombre deux?  
  
Leena: Cigarettes.  
  
Pierre: Huh?  
  
Kid: Mmmph!!!  
  
Harle: You skipped me and the weird one!! In the name of the Moon, I shall punish you!!!  
  
Pierre: AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!  
  
Akari: Okay, stop!  
  
Pierre: I think I chooshe nombre deux.  
  
Akari: Quit speaking in French. Who do you think everyone was?  
  
Pierre: Nombre un wash one of the Backshtreet Boysh, nombre deux wash Akari, and nombre troish wash Aki from the FF:TSW movie?  
  
Akari: *sigh* That's all wrong. And why does everyone always think I'm one of the characters?  
  
Kid: I was Serge. Ya know, he doesn't talk?  
  
Pierre: ...??? I figured you were shinging a Backshtreet Boysh shong. You know, mmmmmm or something.  
  
Leena: I was Solid Snake. Akari doesn't smoke, neither does she wear what I described. Or have a mullet hairstyle or love to look at female pornography.  
  
Pierre: Hey, you never know.  
  
Akari: !!! *whacks Pierre over the head*  
  
Harle: I was zee Sailor Moon girl. Duh.  
  
Pierre: *rubbing head from Akari's hit* Well, how wash I to know?  
  
Akari: That was yet another awful game. I gotta go now.  
  
Akari dissapears in a blue dust. Suddenly, Ryu appears.  
  
Pierre: ...You jusht misshed her.  
  
Ryu: Oh, shiznits.  
  
Ryu dissapears.  
  
  
  
^^^COMMERCIAL^^^  
  
Anouncer: Just years ago, an RPG graced the USA... One with an unforgettable storyline, incredible characters, and a never-before seen battle system. That RPG was the infamous PokeÂ´mon Blue! ...Actually, PokeÂ´mon doesn't fit the above requirements. Except the unforgettable storyline, which is still haunting the author's dreams.  
  
The camera points to Akari, in her bed. It's night and she's sleeping. But she's also sleep-talking.  
  
Akari: No... Not the Pikachu... The frikkin' Pikachu... It's gonna kill us all... Beware, children... *wakes up* AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! *throws a nearby pillow across the room, and it knocks down her posters of Cloud* DIE, YOU EVIL MOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
The camera turns back to the anouncer.  
  
Anouncer: ...Ahem. The RPG was really Final Fantasy VII. And now, this commercial presents to you: FINAL FANTASY VII: THE PS2 REMAKE!!! The new FFVII story will be very improved. Observe...  
  
The screen shifts to a dark setting. We see a figure praying. Suddenly, a shadow falls at the figure and sticks a sword through it. Lights turn on and you see that the shadow who jumped down was Sephiroth and the praying figure was Don Corneo.  
  
Anouncer: That's right, the 'lovable' Aeris Gainsborough is replaced by the horny Don Corneo.  
  
The scene now shows Tifa inside a casino-style building. There are people around her, all gambling on slots and Poker. Cloud and Barret are talking to Tifa about a mission. A waitress comes up to Tifa and serves her a Margarita.  
  
Anouncer: And Tifa no longer owns a bar; she owns a Las Vegas casino!!  
  
Finally, we see a battle scene. Cid is shown. Cid is commanded to attack. But instead of throwing his spear, the word '@#$%' appears over Cid's head and causes the enemy 9999 damage.  
  
Anouncer: The battle system is totally improved; not only do simple attacks like these get the player's mother angry and ready to protest to Squaresoft, but they also do unbelievable damage to the opponent!! So there you have it. The FFVII remake will be completely amazing, so instead of sitting here and reading the fanfic, go out and buy this game today!!!  
  
^^^END OF COMMERCIAL^^^  
  
  
  
Serge and Lynx are playing Go Fish. Akari and Ryu appear.  
  
Lynx: Go fish.  
  
Serge: *picks up a card* Mwuahahaha!!! I have beaten you yet again!!! *puts down his deck*  
  
Lynx: Aw, man.  
  
Serge: I may not talk a lot, but I can beat everyone at Go Fish!!  
  
Akari: Um... Hello?  
  
Serge: *sees Akari and Ryu* Eeek!! Okay, listen. You did not just hear me talk.  
  
Ryu: Yes we did.  
  
Serge: ... ... ... ... ...  
  
Akari: Whatever. Anyways, you two are gonna play the infamous OLD GRAMPA GAME SHOW game!!  
  
Ryu: Serge, you'll have to talk for this.  
  
Serge: ... ... ... ... ...  
  
Ryu: If you don't talk, Akari's gonna make a voodoo doll out of you.  
  
Serge: ... ... ... ... ...  
  
Akari: *holds up a needle and some fabric* I'll set it on fire, too. Then you'll be CURSED!!! MWUAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
Serge: *sigh* Okay, I'll talk.  
  
Akari: *smiles-Anime* I can make boys do anything for me.  
  
Serge: Yeah, by threatening them.  
  
Akari: *death-glares Serge* Anyways, the game show will be Jeopardy.  
  
Ryu: That hasn't been done in a while. I thought you'd choose Wheel of Fortune.  
  
Akari: WoF is too weird and serious.  
  
Ryu: ...Yeah.  
  
Akari: Anyways, we need a few more people.  
  
Akari zaps in Glenn and Karsh.  
  
Glenn: Where are we?  
  
Karsh: In hell. HAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Akari: ...No. You're on the Whose Line? set. And you're gonna play a game.  
  
Glenn: Oh, @#$%.  
  
Akari: Lynx will be the host and you, Karsh, and Serge are the players in Jeopardy. Begin!!  
  
Everyone gets to their places.  
  
(Picture everyone speaking like an old guy.)  
  
Lynx: Hello shunny, I'm Alex Trebek. I think. I forgot over them years. Our catergories are: FATE, Forein Languages, Blue Hair, Frozen Things Besides Fire, People Who Don't Wear Clothes, and Nicknames. We'll begin with Serge.  
  
Serge: Oh goody, I always start! Foreign Languages for $100.  
  
Lynx: Which clown from CC speaks French?  
  
Serge: *buzzes* Oh, I know I know I know!!!  
  
Lynx: What's the answer, shunny?  
  
Serge: Um... I forgot. Give me a year.  
  
Karsh: *buzzes* It's Kid!!  
  
Lynx: No, that would be Australian.  
  
Karsh: I think I'm right. I traveled around the world back in 1000. Come on, it's been only 20 years! I can't forget.  
  
Lynx: No. You're wrong.  
  
Glenn: *buzzes* It's Harlequin!!  
  
Lynx: Yes! Of course, the alternate answer was Pierre.  
  
Glenn: YAY!!! I got an answer right!!!  
  
Lynx: Chose a catergory, loser.  
  
Glenn: Respect your elders!  
  
Lynx: I'm your age.  
  
Glenn: Well, I'm older by 2 hours. Ha.  
  
Lynx: Chose a catergory!  
  
Glenn: People Who Don't Wear Clothes for $500.  
  
Lynx: The guy with Wakka's accent who enjoys to ride boats.  
  
Serge: *buzzes* Oh, I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW!!!!!  
  
Lynx: Yes?  
  
Serge: ...I forgot.  
  
Lynx: Shunny, you better stop that.  
  
Karsh: *buzzes* Korcha.  
  
Lynx: Correct. Now we need a tie-breaker between Karsh and Glenn since Serge can't remember a thing.  
  
Serge: *drooling* Ehh...  
  
Karsh: I pick Blue Hair for $1000.  
  
Lynx: We're not giving away that much money! You know this show is cheap!  
  
Karsh: Okay, I pick Blue Hair for $100.  
  
Lynx: The idiot who's asleep right now.  
  
Glenn: *buzzes* Karsh!!  
  
Lynx: No, he's not asleep.  
  
Karsh: *snores*  
  
Lynx: ...Never mind. You win, Glenn!!!  
  
Glenn: Yay!! I'm gonna buy me a night with Akari!!  
  
Lynx: You only have $200. Akari sells for $500 a night. I know from experience, back in 1000...  
  
Glenn: Oh, shiznits.  
  
Akari: That's enough!! I do NOT sell for $500!!! I sell for $1000 and up.  
  
Ryu: Oh, geez... *smacks his own forehead* Look, we have to go.  
  
Akari and Ryu dissapear in a violet swirl.  
  
Glenn: ...Dammit, I really did want to buy her for a night.  
  
The next scene shows Kid sitting in her house, reading a magazine. Akari and Ryu appear.  
  
Akari: Hi, Kid. I didn't know you had a house.  
  
Kid: Well, don't I have to live somewhere?  
  
Akari: You're gonna play the SONG TO AN AUDIENCE MEMBER game now, kay?  
  
Kid: No. I gotta read my magazine.  
  
Akari: *reading title of magazine* Seventeen???  
  
Ryu: Aren't you 16?  
  
Kid: Um, yeah, I guess.  
  
Akari: Great. Now throw that out and let's play the frikkin' game.  
  
Akari zaps herself, Kid, and Ryu to the Whose Line? set.  
  
Ryu: We need an audience member.  
  
Kid runs into the audience and pulls someone out. She comes back down.  
  
Akari: ...Mojo. What a surprise.  
  
Mojo: Hiya.  
  
Akari: What is your hobby?  
  
Mojo: Hmm... Dancing. Oh, and I love setting things on fire.  
  
Akari: Okay Kid, sing the 'dancing and setting things on fire' song to Mojo. We're getting help from Julia Heartilly and Selphie Tillmitt.  
  
Selphie and Julia stick their tongues out at the camera.  
  
Akari: Oookay. Begin!  
  
Julia and Selphie start playing the CC opening theme (?). Kid starts singing.  
  
Kid:  
  
Mojo, you love to dance  
  
You move your body and hips  
  
It catches you in a trance  
  
You don't care that you're made of sticks.  
  
You love the way fire glows  
  
You use it on the merge  
  
The last thing that you set on fire  
  
Happens to be Serge!!!  
  
Mojo: ...Ehh...  
  
Kid: What? You didn't like it? I don't know, I personally loved the last two lines.  
  
Mojo: I really have to go now. *mysteriously dissapears in smoke*  
  
Kid: *sigh* What an arse.  
  
Akari: Yeah. Kay, bye.  
  
Akari and Ryu dissapear.  
  
Kid: *sigh* I'm all alone...  
  
Serge appears in a bath towel.  
  
Serge: Where am I? Oh, hello, Kid.  
  
Kid: ...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Akari and Ryu, meanwhile, appear in a boat. (?) Korcha is steering.  
  
Korcha: Hey, you have to pay for the ride!!  
  
Akari: Where are we going?  
  
Korcha: *shrugs*  
  
Akari: *sigh* Fine.  
  
Akari motions a gesture to Ryu. Ryu nods and pulls out a bag of Gil with a cheesy $ sign on the side. He hands it to Korcha.  
  
Korcha: Are you... Burglars?  
  
Akari: *smacks her own forehead* I told you we should have gotten another bag, Ryu.  
  
Korcha: You are, aren't you?! ...Get outta my boat!!!  
  
Akari: No. I'm staying.  
  
Korcha: !!!  
  
Korcha is about to push Akari and Ryu out of the boat. Instead, Akari twists his hand and pushes him out.  
  
Akari: *grabs the ores* Hee hee!!! I stole a boat!!!  
  
Ryu: Um... This is illegal.  
  
Akari: ~Tifa Lockhart~ is never illegal!!!  
  
Korcha: *wet* Did you say ~Tifa Lockhart~?  
  
Akari: Um... No...  
  
Korcha: I'm your biggest fan!  
  
Akari: Oh. In that case...  
  
Korcha: Can I play a cheesy game?  
  
Akari: Sure.  
  
Akari zaps herself, Korcha, and Ryu to the Whose Line? set. Then she zaps in Riddel, Nikki, and Una in.  
  
Ryu: We're gonna play the UNLIKELY SUPERHEROES game!!  
  
Akari: Yay, my favorite game!! ^.^  
  
Nikki: Um, do we have a say in this?  
  
Akari: No, I control your lives.  
  
Nikki: Alrighty.  
  
Akari: We need suggestions for what superhero Korcha will be.  
  
Random audience members: Explosive Man! Captain Streaker! Doctor Lingerie Collector!  
  
Akari: Captain Streaker it is.  
  
Korcha: Yay!  
  
Ryu: And what is Captain Streaker's problem?  
  
Random audience members: Parents are coming over to see what he does for a living! Can't take off clothes cause they're superglued on! Is getting too old for streaking!  
  
Ryu: The second one seems...decent.  
  
Akari: Okay Korcha, as Riddel comes onstage, you'll give her a name and she'll give Nikki a name and so on. Begin!  
  
Korcha walks onstage.  
  
Korcha: *touching body* My, it's so hot in here... I better take my clothes off.  
  
Korcha tries to pull his pants off, but can't.  
  
Korcha: Oh no! Someone seems to have put superglue in my clothes and now I can't streak!  
  
Riddel comes onstage.  
  
Riddel: Did someone say 'streak'?  
  
Korcha: Why, it's Doctor Lingerie Collector!  
  
Akari: *sigh* Korcha...  
  
Riddel: I don't mind, Akari.  
  
Riddel takes out a bra.  
  
Akari: !!!  
  
Riddel: I don't know how this will help you, but isn't it wonderful? Such soft cotton and lace... Here, feel it!  
  
Korcha: *shudders*  
  
Nikki comes onstage.  
  
Riddel: Lookie, Deadly Armpit Man is here!  
  
Nikki: Hey, wanna smell? *lifts arm*  
  
Riddel: Ehh... *faints*  
  
Nikki: Uh-oh...  
  
Nikki picks up Riddel's bra and waves it on her face. Riddel wakes up.  
  
Korcha: *smacks own forehead* I need help...  
  
Una comes onstage.  
  
Nikki: Flamethrower Woman!  
  
Una: *takes out a flamethrower* MWUAHAHAHA!!!! Burn in hell!! All of you!!! *blows flamethrower around*  
  
Korcha: Do any of you know how to remove superglue from clothes?...  
  
Una: I know! SET IT ON FIRE!!!!!!  
  
Una sets Korcha on fire with her flamethrower.  
  
Korcha: AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!  
  
Riddel: I'll put out the fire with the air from my bra!!  
  
Riddel waves her bra at Korcha. The fire dies down.  
  
Nikki: That didn't help. *lifts arm* This will!  
  
Korcha: *breathes in* Ehh... *faints*  
  
Riddel: Oh no! *waves bra over Korcha*  
  
Korcha: *awakens* This is hopeless.  
  
Riddel: Not quite! Here, try wearing this.  
  
Riddel throws her bra and a pair of underwear to Korcha. He puts them on.  
  
Riddel: Half the people in the Strip Club are half-blind old guys. Trust me, I've been there. They won't really notice that all you're taking off is something you have over your clothes.  
  
Korcha: Gee, thanks, Doctor Lingerie Collector!  
  
Akari: Okay, great job!  
  
Riddel: Give me back my bra, Korcha.  
  
Korcha: No! I like wearing it!  
  
Riddel: That's my REAL bra. Came from under my shirt.  
  
Korcha: Even better.  
  
Riddel: AAAAAAAAARGH!!! *takles Korcha*  
  
Akari: Ehh...  
  
Akari and Ryu dissapear. They appear in Kid's house again. This time, Kid is being chased around the room by Serge (for no particular reason) while Leena looks on angrily.  
  
Akari: Hiiiiii!  
  
Serge: *stops chasing Kid* Hi.  
  
Akari: Wanna play a game?  
  
Kid: We all did.  
  
Akari: Well, too bad. We're playing SCENES FROM A HAT!!!  
  
Ryu: The audience has been threatened to write down some movie styles earlier and you three will act out a scene using the styles when Akari calls them out.  
  
Akari: Yeah. The scene is: Serge is a rotten two-timer and has agreed to marry both Kid and Leena. But they don't know that. He goes out to buy a suit for the weddings, but sees Leena and Kid at the mall--shopping together as friends--and they confront him.  
  
Serge: Yay!! I get two women! This never happened in the game!  
  
Akari: ...Yeah. You were such a loser in the game, you couldn't even get Pierre to come on to you. Okay, start in normal style!  
  
Serge walks onstage.  
  
Serge: Hmm, maybe I'll buy this one...  
  
Serge looks around.  
  
Serge: Oh no, it's Kid and Leena! I gotta hide!  
  
Serge runs to hide behind a dumpster. Kid and Leena walk onstage.  
  
Kid: Leena, you're my best friend!!  
  
Leena: And you're mine!  
  
Kid: Hey, what's that blue thing behind the dumpster?  
  
Akari: FF: THE SPIRITS WITHIN!!!  
  
Kid: It just may be... The eigth spirit!  
  
Leena: You're right, my chest plate is reacting!  
  
Kid: The eigth spirit must be a dumpster...  
  
Kid and Leena walk behind the dumpster and find Serge.  
  
Akari: SAILOR MOON STYLE!!!  
  
Kid: Oh no!! It's Saphire!!  
  
Leena: We must transform and stop him!  
  
A bright light surrounds Kid and Leena. They turn naked, then appear in cheesy Sailor Moon outfits.  
  
Kid: *holds up a pretty stick* In the name of the moon, I shall punish you!!  
  
Akari: LUNAR 2 STYLE!!!  
  
Leena: That's not Saphire! It's Serge!  
  
Kid: Wanna bathe naked in a hot tub with me?  
  
Serge: Hmm... Let's ask my pink stuffed cat.  
  
A flying cat appears.  
  
Akari: ...?  
  
Leena: Hey, you can't bathe naked with her! I'll dance for you!  
  
Kid: Her cheep dyed green hair can't stand up to my NATURAL blue hair! And look at that slutty clothes! At least my bra isn't showing!  
  
Akari: This is getting soooo weird. *zaps the cat away* MYSTERY STYLE!!!  
  
Kid: Serge, what were you doing behind this dumpster?  
  
Serge: Hmm... I do not know.  
  
Leena: There's a tuxedo in your hands. You must be shopping for our wedding.  
  
Kid: ...He's marrying you? No, he's marrying me!!  
  
Akari: *sigh* MATRIX STYLE!!!  
  
Audience: *cheers* YAY!!!!!  
  
Serge: I have a confession to make. I was cheating on both of you.  
  
Kid: It's not your fault, Serge. It's HER'S!!!  
  
Kid and Leena start to fight. Suddenly, Kid jumps into the air. She spings 360 Â° and kicks Leena in the face.  
  
Akari: And finally, SOUTH PARK STYLE!!!  
  
Serge: Aw, man.  
  
Akari: Come on!!  
  
Serge: OH MY GOD, YOU KILLED KENNY!!!!! ...I mean, Leena.  
  
Kid: Who the @#$% cares? I'm gonna kill you next!  
  
Serge: No! I'm gonna stop you with my fart power!!!  
  
Kid: DEAR @#$%, NO!!!  
  
Akari: Stop!!! We have to end the game right now.  
  
Ryu: Yeah, nice knowing you.  
  
Akari and Ryu dissapear.  
  
Serge: ...What about Leena?  
  
Akari and Ryu appear at the Whose Line? set, where everyone who played their games are gathered.  
  
Akari: We've come to the end of the episode and this TV show! That's right, it was cancelled due to the backstage nudity problem we've been having with the FF characters. Kidding. Actually, I've gone through all my favorite games, the ones I know of. So thanks very much to the ones who read this fanfic and even more to those who reviewed!  
  
Ryu: For our final game, we'll have Harlequin and Serge read the credits as if they're about to get married. Any other characters may come in. *winks to Kid* Start off!  
  
Harle and Serge walk onto the stage.  
  
Harle: *slowly walking down the imaginary isle and whispering to Serge* Psst... Serge, did you invite zat nice little girlfriend of yourz?  
  
Serge: Which one? *giggles*  
  
Harle: Leena, ze one with ze weird doggy.  
  
Serge: I ordered Pierre to take care of the wedding list. So he probably invited Leena.  
  
Harle: Knowing Pierre, he alzo invited Una, Riddel, Korcha... All ze women.  
  
Serge: Hey! Una isn't a woman!  
  
Harle: ...?  
  
Serge: Nevermind.  
  
Harle: I wonder if he got Nikki to come.  
  
Serge: Nikki would scare the crowd with his outfit and make-up.  
  
Harle: Lynx would scare zem all with zat head.  
  
Serge: I find that head attractive.  
  
Harle: ...??? Well, I think zat Glenn eez hot.  
  
Serge: Hey, I'm not saying that to make you jealous!  
  
Harle: Well, we gotta name all ze people who stared in zees fic. I'm thinking of creative wayz.  
  
Serge and Harle reach the Priest. Who happens to be Nikki.  
  
Harle: Aaaah! Nikki, you're still wearing your make-up!  
  
Nikki: It brings out my eyes. *winks at the camera in a very weird way* Anyway, we're gathered here today... Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Akari,stopmakingthoseviolentmotions blah blah blah blah blah... Anyone opposing this wedding, say so now or forever hold your peace.  
  
Kid runs into the 'Chappel'.  
  
Kid: AAAAARGH!!! I WILL KILL YOU, HARLE!!!!!  
  
Kid takes out her dagger.  
  
Harle: Aaaaah! Quick Serge, ve must get married now!!  
  
Harle kisses Serge. Kid screams and tries to stab Harle with her dagger.  
  
Akari: Nice job for the final game!!!  
  
Ryu: Um, Kid... Stop trying to kill Harle...  
  
Kid: No!!! I gotta kill her!!!  
  
Kid continues to trying to stab Harle, who is screaming bloody murder. Serge watches this with pride.  
  
Akari: Ahem... *covers up the camera with her hand* Join me for my next fic, guest starring someone very special!! And guess what, we're getting rid of Ryu in it!!  
  
Ryu: Aw, man.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Thank you all very much for reading and to certain people for reviewing!! Please watch for my next fic (yet another cheesy humor crossover) which will be titled "Valentine's Day Chaos!" It will be a sequel to "Chrismas Chaos!" but of course with Valentine's Day. Many common pairings included-- with a twist on the use of alcohol. ^_^ It will also be co-hosted by one of my favorite authors, the talented Pyra The Dragon Goddess!!! *cheering in background* And we'll overthrow Ryu!!! *even louder cheering in background*  
  
And to Universe Master Zee: I know you requested 'Spring Break Chaos!' as the sequel to 'Christmas Chaos!', but I had Valentine's Day planned for a while. I'm very sorry, and I hope this doesn't make you mad or anything. 


End file.
